Learn Your Best Ways To Calm Anxiety And Protect Your Relationship
There is no one best tip on how to stop anxious feelings or even how to save your marriage or relationship! Coping with anxiety is a process of emotional growth and spiritual renewal. Calming fears, living in uncertainty, dealing with problems, accepting hardship, and grieving loss is part of a healthy, rich deep life. There is no way to avoid the things that cause anxiety.
All you can do which is a lot is to find your best way to calm yourself and give yourself the love and compassion you need. If youre dealing severe panic attacks or an anxiety disorder, talk to a psychologist or doctor. Get help! Dont let anxious or panicky feelings ruin your relationship or marriage. Maybe a light prescription of anti-anxiety medication would help. Or, maybe you need weekly or monthly sit-down talk therapy sessions. Lucky you! Seeing an anxiety counselor or psychologist who specializes in panic disorders will help you heal and be free of the pain.
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life changed my life. Im learning how to examine how my anxious thoughts about the past affect my mood, actions, words and relationships. Katies four simple questions which she calls The Work encourages us to test our thoughts and see if theyre true. Surprisingly easy, and extremely powerful.
Search the internet for Byron Katie. Download her worksheets. Test your anxious thoughts, and save your relationship. What do you have to lose?
Manage Physical Symptoms Of Anxiety
General anxiety management techniques can also help you to feel more balanced and calm which, in turn, will help you to think more clearly and positively. Taking regular time out to relax and exercise, getting enough sleep, listening to relaxation exercises or guided meditations, practising yoga, keeping a journal and eating regular, balanced meals can all help the body and mind to feel calmer.
Links to further support:
If you are feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and finding it hard to cope with this on your own, a short course of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy can help you to understand the origins of your anxiety and make the changes you need to overcome it, once and for all. Your GP will be able to refer you to a local therapy service or you can find details of private therapists near you here.
If your anxiety is impacting on your relationship, relationship therapy with your partner may help. You can find more information about relationship therapy here.
If your feelings of anxiety are a result of your partner’s behaviour towards you e.g. they are physically, verbally or sexually abusive, then the following organisations can support you:
Learn To Communicate Your Needs
One thing that I had to learn in my relationship is to communicate my needs properly. One of the deactivating strategies anxiously attached women like to use is silence and resentment. Which also happens to be my favorites.
In the past, I would often shut down when I was hurt in the hopes that my partner would read my thought and seek closeness again. Well, Im sad to report that my boyfriend is not a mind reader.
Which means I had to learn to verbalize my needs.
Being able to communicate better alleviates a lot of misunderstanding and leads to more intimacy.
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Accept Problems Tensions And Conflict As A Normal Part Of Life
The more you resist and fight the problems in your life, the higher your anxiety level will be. Fighting problems, waging war on enemies, and resisting the way things will make you feel worse. Resistance makes you more anxious because it heightens your awareness of how you dont want things to be. The more you say or think X should not do this or Y should do this instead of that, the worse you feel. Your anxiety increases, your stress skyrockets, and your relationship gets tense.
Anxietys job might be to alert you to a potential problem. If so, great! Take care of the problem. But if its a problem or worry you cant take care of, then anxiety will ruin your relationships. Whats your job? Not to fight anxious feelings resisting how you feel will make the feeling stronger. Instead, relax into the conflict or tension. Accept it.
Whats your problem? What makes you feel anxious, stressed, tense, scared or worried? Write it down. Accept it as how you feel and what youre facing. Dont fight it simply admit that your anxiety is caused by _________.
The Benefits Of Being Free From Relationship Anxiety
You will live longer.
Youve probably heard the phrase worried to death. This saying actually has some truth to it. Researchers have found that overreacting, worrying all the time, and living with constant anxiety can reduce your life expectancy. This is because stress has a negative impact on your health. By being free from relationship anxiety, you can lower your risk of various ailments, including heart disease.
When you become stressed, your body produces oxidative chemicals that speed up the aging process, increase your risk of cardiovascular disease, and make you more prone to a variety of chronic and acute illnesses, as well as more benign health problems such as colds. Your level of oxidative stress can be measured by the number of chemicals called isoprostanes that are present in your blood and urine. Isoprostanes are a product of the impact that free radicals have on fatty acids. These chemicals are mainly associated with your risk of atherosclerosis, and their levels are elevated with stress.
While our bodies have developed ways to deal with oxidation so it has less of an impact on our health, we still do things that increase the oxidative processwe eat processed foods, we smoke cigarettes, we sit at desks all day, and we worry about things we cant control or change. The bodys reaction to oxidative stress is directly tied to aging and longevity.
Your academic performance and/or productivity increase.
You build a stronger social network.
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You Want To Wait To Have Sex But Youre Feeling Anxious Theyll Leave
If you tend to have sex and immediately worry about what your new partner is thinking, who they are with, and require a lot of reassurance, you may have more of an anxious attachment. If someone sleeps with you quickly, craves the intimacy, but doesnt want to commit, that could indicate a fearful-avoidant attachment style. If someone says they like you, keeps you at arms length and then quickly shifts gears, this may be a sign of dismissive avoidant attachment.
People with a secure attachment style exhibit and gravitate toward healthy boundaries and respect with partners. Think of someone being honest and asking you about your needs after sleeping with you. For example, they may says something like, Hey, I wanted to let you know Im going to be busy for the next week, but what do you need from me to feel good about our relationship?
Whichever your style, using sex as a tool for quick validation is likely to leave you feeling hungry for more, questioning your partners intentions, or feeling empty and alone. Worrying about losing someone plays into anxious and avoidant attachment styles through the lens of abandonment.
Decide what you want from each sexual encounter before you get busy, so you set yourself up to feel empowered and emotionally safe. If you discuss expectations beforehand, its less likely youll feel abandoned, angry, general anxiety, or confused if things dont go as planned.
Going To Therapy Yourself
Whether your partner accepts or resists your suggestion to go to therapy, you should do it yourself. It will help you develop the skills necessary to understand and cope with your partners anxiety. A therapist can also teach you how to more effectively support your anxious partner.
When you are dating someone with anxiety, its easy to forget about taking care of yourself. By going to therapy, you can ensure you are still focusing on your own mental health.
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Try Some Aerobic Activity
During periods of anxiety, your body is filled with adrenaline. Putting that adrenaline toward aerobic activity can be a great way to improve your anxiety. Exercise has numerous advantages for controlling your anxiety symptoms:
- Exercise burns away stress hormones that create anxiety symptoms.
- Exercise tires your muscles, reducing excess energy and tension.
- Exercise releases endorphins in your brain which can improve overall mood.
- Exercise is linked to healthier breathing.
- Exercise is a healthy distraction.
Aerobic activity, like light jogging or even fast walking, can be extremely effective at reducing the severity of your anxiety symptoms, as well as the anxiety itself.
How Do You Know Someone Is Your Soul Mate
True love feels like security and stability. You dont worry about breaking up or your partner leaving you abruptly. When they go out of town, you might miss them, but you are also happy for them, because you want them to travel and have new experiences. Your love has balance and no sense of suspicion or possession.
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How To Break Out Of Relationship Anxiety
For some of us, the word sparks pure joy we get the warm fuzzies thinking of taking our loved ones out to dinner, getting an apartment together, and truly building a life together.
For others of us, the word sparks anxiety. We fear losing control, getting hurt, or not being enough for our partner.
This is a real, valid response. Its called relationship anxiety. And, unchecked, it can doom a relationship.
I tend to suffer from anxiety, particularly during stressful times , so I wanted to seek out some guidance on how to navigate anxiety around relationships. This led me to our free masterclass on love and relationships with the shaman Rudá Iandê, who taught me how to identify and work through negative relationship situations such as relationship anxiety. Id like to share these tips with you now.
Causes And 5 Solutions For Relationship Anxiety
- There is more than one type of relationship anxiety, as well as different parts of relationships that may cause anxiety
- Anxiety can be a barrier in relationships, potentially leading to lack of trust/intimacy
- Partners of those with anxiety also have their own struggles
- Those that already have anxiety may be more prone to anxiety in relationships
- The strategies to address relationship anxiety are diverse
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Try Being More Mindful
Mindfulness practices involve focusing your awareness on whats happening in the present moment without judgement. When negative thoughts come up, you acknowledge them and let them move on.
This can be particularly useful when youre stuck in a negative thought spiral. It can also help you to prioritize your day-to-day experiences with your partner.
After all, maybe the relationship will end in a few months or a few years, but you can still appreciate and enjoy it in the meantime.
Checking Your Partners Texts
People with relationship anxiety often are not able to fully trust their partners, often due to past relationship trauma. The irony is that looking through your partners texts behind their back actually makes you untrustworthy! Instead of invading your partners privacy, you should try to open up a dialogue about trust and honesty so that you are both on the same page.
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Anxiety Robs You Of Joy
Experiencing joy requires a sense of safety or freedom. Anxiety makes us feel either fearful or limited. Also, a brain and body trained to stress may have a much harder time enjoying sex and intimacy. Negative thoughts and fears impact a persons ability to be present within a relationship, potentially sucking the joy out of a moment.
so dont take yourself too seriously. You can use your sense of humor to overcome anxiety. Remember to laugh and play with your partner. Joy physically heals and comforts your brain in ways that are vital for a healthy relationship.
Why Cant I Be Happy In Love
Theres a certain pressure from society to feel excited, happy and very in love when you first start a new relationship. It seems natural to be when some one you meet tickles your fancy.
Unfortunately, not every one feels this way. This is ok. You may have been burned before. You may not be a very excitable person. You may be experiencing underlying anxiety. You may not actually like he person as much as you thought. Or maybe other things in your life are interfering. Whatever the reason may be, youre not the only one.
You might want to feel excited and joyous, but youre noticing that youre spending your time feeling the opposite. This can potentially make you feel guilty. Its important not to do that to yourself. Your feelings are yours and need to be given the attention they deserve, regardless of their origin.
This pandemic is not helpful either, because most people are not seeing each other as often in person anymore. That can potentially take its toll if youre already worried.
So what to do?
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Identify What Is Driving Your Anxiety
Is it fear? Low self-esteem? Lack of confidence? Or shame? Assessing the root of your anxiety and drawing connections to previous experiences or how you were raised can increase your awareness. Sometimes, we feel insecure because we lack confidence in the ability to choose healthy relationships for ourselves.3
See The Relationship For What It Truly Is
Some partners are just not meant to be together. This is why some relationships work out and some dont. Face the truth about your own relationship and do something about it. Sometimes the only option is to move on.
Give yourself some time to adjust to this reality. Moving on from a loved one is a process, and it certainly wont happen overnight. Give yourself the time that you need to grieve the loss so you can get used to your new reality that doesnt include this person.
There are a few things you can do during this difficult process to help ease the pain. First, talk to an unbiased, trusted third party. Find someone who is objective and not a part of your life to help talk you through the situation. Also, make sure to keep yourself busy, and even find a new hobby or something to fill up your time that you can look forward to. As time passes, you will ultimately feel better.
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