How To Help Your Spouse Deal With Anxiety
For me, it often happens in the evening . It feels like a sudden Visitor at your door who comes in unannounced and spreads an uncomfortable, heavy, warm, wet blanket over you, gradually but quickly covering your whole body, and I feel it mainly in my chest. As soon as I feel myself covered, Im very aware of the sense of unexplained dread thats overcome me. Often my vision narrows and its difficult to concentrate on what people are saying. I can feel my heart pounding. My breathing is shallow. And its hard not to just sit there, paralyzed, and feel intense fear for something that I dont know how to define.
Sometimes it takes a long while for the feeling to gradually dissipate. Other times, it just sort of leaves quickly, like it wanted to slip quietly out the back door without anyone noticing. Its exhausting. And the most frustrating part, every time, is the nonsensical, illogical way the Visitor just comes and goes, without any sort of reason, at least none that I can think of.
Anxiety attacks are a beast, and Ive experienced them for years. Every time Ive had to deal with anxiety, my wife, Kristin, has been there right beside me, walking the road. She can tell when the Visitor is at the door because she can hear me trying to catch my breath.
What Is Anxiety Exactly?
However, this process is only made to come and go as needed. Its not meant to pop up without warning and interfere with everyday life.
What Spouses Can Do
Develop An Action Plan For Anxiety And Depression
Your action plan for anxiety and depression will cover a wide range of options. The plan can include exercise, stress management and how to improve your sleep. You may be referred to a psychologist who can help you address things like negative thinking and how to manage difficulties in your relationships.
Some people think its weak to admit theyre going through a tough time, but if you have anxiety or depression, you cant just snap out of it or pull yourself together. Theres more to it than that.
If you think you may have anxiety or depression, and want to take action, start by talking to someone you trust keeping it to yourself can make things worse. Discuss your situation with a friend, partner, family member a colleague or your GP.
Beyond Blue has put together information about how men can create an action plan.
How To Stop Relationship Anxiety
Relationships are incredibly complicated. There are two things that you have to ask yourself in the beginning, long before you can expect to fix your relationship:
- Is the relationship worth saving?
- Are you willing to change yourself even without your partner changing?
The second question, however, is based on one simple truth about relationships: you can only change yourself. Despite all the ways you plead with your partner to improve, you can’t be the one to change them. Only they can change them. Your role, then, is to try to be the best partner you can be and as open as possible, and then hope that it motivates them to change as well.
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The Donts: What To Avoid
As a partner of someone with anxiety, your goal is not to make the anxiety worse, avoid panic attacks, control the symptoms, and avoid this leading to depression. Whether you like it or not, you are part of your partners treatment.
And why do you do it? Because of love. Why do you keep fighting? Because you know that if the tables were turned, your partner would do the same for you. In sickness and in health, right? Here are some tips you could follow on what to avoid if your partner has anxiety.
Performance Anxiety Reason : Whats Normal Anyway
Most men measure themselves against a standard based on fantasy instead of reality. Men vary as much as women do with respect to sexual preferences and drive, yet men assume there is such a thing as normal. They interpret commonplace stumbling blocks in the bedroom as personal failures. Worse, if a romp between the sheets ends in disappointment or embarrassment, they usually panic. This negative experience results in self-doubt, which starts a downward spiral of fear, anxiety, and inhibitionall of which are bigger obstacles to sexual happiness than having a construction crew in your bedroom .
If your man starts doubting whether he is normal, gently reassure him with these three important truths:
If your man is assured that such events are perfectly normal, he can take them in stride and approach your next sexy rendezvous with confidence!
Dudley Seth Danoff, MD, FACS, is president and founder of the Cedars-Sinai Tower Urology Group in Los Angeles, a Diplomate of the American Board of Urology, a Fellow of the American College of Surgeons, and the author of The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health.
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The Spiritual Battle For Your Marriage
God designed marriage to reflect His love to the world and because of this, the enemy wants to destroy Gods beautiful design. Based on his book, Defending Your Marriage, Dr. Tim and Noreen Muehlhoff share about the reality of spiritual warfare against marriages, and how to combat the enemys lies with the truth of God. Couples will be encouraged that theyre not alone in the fight for a godly marriage and better equipped to be a shining example for the world around them.
Just How To Locate The Right Specialist For You
There are lots of means to locate a specialist online. You can likewise locate specialists who talk your indigenous language and specialists who practice a particular religion.
You want to make sure that the therapist is accredited and also has the appropriate qualifications for your demands. You ought to also ask good friends or family members for referrals on excellent therapists near you. It is essential to guarantee that the specialist will certainly be an excellent suitable for you prior to completing anything else. My Husband Is Depressed But Won T Get Help
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A Mental Health Expert Explains How To Support Someone With Anxiety
My boyfriend warned me not to fall in love with him because of his anxiety. “I get in these moods,” he told me almost seven years ago, as we sat by a pool in Palm Springs, our first real trip together as a couple. “I’m on an upswing right now,” he said. “But it’s not always like this.” He topped off my glass of champagne and smiled, a melancholy look in his eyes.
I’ve never suffered from anxiety, so I didn’t quite understand what he meant back then. I also loved him, so I didn’t listen to his warning. I’d become better acquainted with his anxiety in the years that followed. I didn’t always handle it well. In fact, I’ve made all the classic mistakes. Half a decade would go by before I even felt like I recognized what his personal breed of anxiety looked like, and how it informed his behavior. My mental image of the condition involved visible panic attacks and other external displays of agitation but as I’d learn, not everyone’s anxiety looks the same.
What To Do When You’re Not Okay
Life can be pretty stressful. Between work, relationships, and other obligations, the pressure builds, and we lose sight of who we are. Counselor Debra Fileta helps you better understand your emotions, assess your mental, physical, and spiritual health, and intentionally pursue a path to wellbeing. In dealing with anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, Debra understands the importance of self-examination as well as the benefits of seeking professional help. She offers biblically-based advice, tools, and encouragement to help you get on a path toward healing and wholeness.
Also Check: When To Know You Need Anxiety Medication
Its Ok To Provide Validation And Support
Your partner may feel ashamed of his anxiety. Its fine to acknowledge how hes feeling.
Hes nervous to drive again after his recent accident, and you totally get it. But you believe in him. Hes so much stronger than he thinks he is.
Supporting, but not enabling, Daitch explains. What you dont want to do is drive him everywhere.
Seek Mental Health Support
If youre confused about this illness and want to understand your partner more, the best step at this point is to consult with a mental health professional. Let Kentucky Counseling Center help you. After talking to a therapist at KCC, maybe Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy, you can come out of this stronger and happier.
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Don’t Trivialize Their Anxiety
“Stop stressing,””stop worrying,””suck it up,” and “what’s wrong with you?” are all things to avoid saying to your anxious loved one, according to experts. These phrases often make people even more anxious, Pillay says. If they could simply “stop worrying,” they would. Unfortunately, anxiety is more complicated than that. “Their brain is likely wired differently than yours may be,” Dow says. “They probably have an overactive amygdala, a part of the brain involved in fear, and an underactive prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that can act as the brakes.”
Oh, and one last thing: “Do not try to compare everyday anxiety situations with what the person is going through,” Odessky says. “Worrying about passing an exam is very different from having a phobia or an anxiety disorder.”
Be Aware And Set Boundaries
How to help your partner with anxiety?
Provide them a safe environment, understanding, and affection, and avoid accommodating their anxiety. Facilitating your spouses anxiety is not the best way to help them.
If you are doing it because it is easier, it feels good to be needed, or because it feeds your ego, you are not truly helping them. In fact, you deny them the opportunity et better manage symptoms by doing things for them or shielding them too much.
Also, it will lead you to feel drained and frustrated.
Therefore, be aware of how much you can give and how much help do they need. Help them with things they tried and werent able to do, and do so when you are okay with it. You are a person in that relationship, too and sometimes you wont have the capacity to help. This can be a teaching experience about boundaries you both grow from.
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Finally A List Of Ten Reasonable Suggestions
It was a struggle for me to not make this whole dissertation one long bulleted list . Heres a quick summary of things that have worked for me in dealing with my wifes anxiety:
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Help Your Loved One Plan For The Future
Anxiety is often rooted in a fear of the future and things outside our control. Making a plan for each day and each week helps keep anxiety at bay because you know what to expect and you know what role you have to play. This is especially important if you have a spouse struggling with anxiety.
Be specific about what your picture of the upcoming days and weeks look like for you. Planning together and affirming each others decisions helps your loved one believe in their bones that theyre safe and supported.
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In Sickness And In Health
I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I wonder if people would ever get married if they truly understood that promise. When youre standing on the altar, the last thing from your mind is the absolute guarantee that you and your wife will have to endure absolutely insane challenges together. During those challenges you tend to think well THIS is not what I signed up for or challenges? Sure, but that certainly doesnt apply to a situation of this magnitude! Those colossal issues are exactly what the vow is about. Its amazing how the words I DO flow out so quickly and easily, and with them we seal the entirety of our future life on a sentence that takes six seconds to speak and two seconds to forget. I like to think back on that moment in my life and remember that however difficult a situation is, I most definitely signed up for that and more. You can choose to see big challenges as a way to grow closer to your wife, or as a way to drive you apart.
I mentioned earlier that we need to recognize anxiety as a disease and care for individuals who suffer from it. That is still true, and it is still helpful for me to remind my weak self of that, but I actually believe that there is a deeper, more beautiful, and more profoundly logical way to look at it.
The Relationship Itself Causes Anxiety
For many, however, the issue can be placed on the quality and experiences in the relationship itself. It is not necessarily about a single behavior of a partner or a broad fear of commitment. Sometimes, anxiety just arises over time as the relationship progresses due to a number of different factors.
That is what we are focusing on here, below, as it is common in relationships of all ages, styles, and lengths. It can arise in happy marriages and it can arise in unhappy short-term dating. It is always a good idea to evaluate it to determine what the next steps may be.
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