What To Say To End A Relationship
You can say:
- I think we need to break up.
- I feel like it would be best if we ended our relationship.
- I have not been feeling fully satisfied in this relationship and think it would be best if we broke up.
- After some thought, I think we should end our relationship.
- I no longer want to continue our relationship.
Keep Your Favourite Things About Them Front And Centre
If your heart is leaning further and further in the direction of This person is actually quite good for me and Im just afraid of getting hurt/being seen fully/opening my heart to someone again then this tip will work wonders for you.
Just like I often advise people who are in on-again-off-again relationships to keep a list of things that they dont like about their ex front and centre, when youre trying to calm your anxiety in a relationship, its best to keep a list of positive things handy so that youre reminded me of the reality of them often.
Maybe you love how driven they are. Or how insightful they are. Or how kind they are. Or how cute their nose is.
Whatever it is you adore about your significant other, simply place your list of positives on your cell phones wallpaper, or on a sticky note that you can stick on your bathroom mirror or computer so that you see them often.
Constantly Needing Reassurance From Your Partner
Low self-esteem can often be a cause of relationship anxiety and manifest as needing constant reassurance from your partner . Providing this kind of constant reassurance can be taxing on your partner. Addressing feelings of low self-esteem is crucial in order to cope with this type of relationship anxiety.
You May Like: How To Journal To Help Anxiety
How To Support Your Partner
Theres a difference between providing support and becoming your partners unpaid, unofficial therapist. A therapist isnt going to hold your partner while they cry or take them out for something to help relieve the anxiety.
These activities make him feel loved and secure, and that helps with his anxiety, she said.
Her story shows it is possible to have a loving and long-term relationship when dating someone with anxiety. Here are some other ways you can support your partner:
Manage The Way You Think
Recognising the thoughts you have that are causing your anxiety is important. This may be negative thoughts that you have about yourself and your worth or a tendency to âmind readâ or make assumptions about what others are thinking. Make sure that the perspective you have is based on the ‘facts’ or reality of the situation rather than interpretations you have made based on habitual thinking patterns and past experiences.
Relationship anxiety is often the result of excessive worrying. We tend to worry in response to situations where the outcome is uncertain. In order to give us a sense of control, the mind focuses on the potential negative outcomes that ‘could’ happen. Mindfulness practices can help us to recognise this tendency of the mind. By noticing our thoughts and feelings with an attitude of curiosity and acceptance, we can watch them come and go whilst giving up any attempts to prepare for, or control, what happens in the future. This allows us to experience life without getting caught up in past stories of pain, or imagined future worries.
A short course of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy can help you to develop a more balanced perspective of yourself, improve your self-esteem and learn how to view your relationship more realistically which, in turn, will help you manage how you feel.
Recommended Reading: Does Abilify Help With Anxiety
Learning How To Cope With Relationship Anxiety
Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments.
Picture this: it’s the start of what could be a perfect relationship. The conversation is fantastic, communication is loud and clear both ways, and everything seems set for a happily ever afterexcept for one or two doubts you can’t seem to shake off.
‘What do they even see in me?’, ‘Will they get bored?”How long until this one falls apart?’ In some cases, these questions linger on even after ‘I love yous’ have been exchanged in the relationship.
If you’ve ever found yourself asking these questions, there is a chance that you may be familiar with relationship anxiety.
When a person starts to feel anxious about life with a current or prospective partner, its an understandable worrythis is a big part of their lives. However, in certain cases, this worry becomes so crippling, it can prevent the relationship from flourishing, or even taking off, to begin with.
We’ll be examining the causes of relationship anxiety, what to look out for, and the appropriate ways to navigate this feeling.
Avoid Acting On Your Feelings
Feeling anxious about your relationship or your partner can sometimes make you want proof that everything is all right.
Its natural to want to reassure yourself, but resist the impulse to find this proof in unhelpful or harmful ways.
Pay attention to the difference between your usual behaviors and impulsive actions. Texting regularly might be normal in your relationship, and keeping up a steady conversation can help reinforce your sense of connection. But sending several texts in an hour asking your partner where they are and what theyre doing, when you know theyre hanging out with friends, can lead to conflict.
When you feel these impulses, try to distract yourself with some deep breathing, a walk or jog, or a quick phone call to a close friend.
Don’t Miss: How To Overcome Social Anxiety
The Cause Of Relationship Anxiety: Your Attachment Style
This anxiety manifests itself through attachment behaviors. According to Lisa Firestone, Ph.D, there are four types of attachment behaviors.
Knowing some things about each attachment style might shed a light on your fears and relationship phobias. Here is a attachment style matrix illustrated by Riskology:
Lets look at each of the attachment styles in detail:
You Are Demanding Or Controlling Of Your Partner
This is another sign of relationship anxiety that can be related to a mismatch in attachment style. People with an insecure attachment style will often act controlling toward their partner. The controlling behavior is often possessive and jealous and stems from personal insecurities, especially about the relationship. Addressing your attachment issues will help you cope with your general relationship anxiety.
Recommended Reading: How To Manage Depression And Anxiety
How Do We Treat Relationship Anxiety
Couples Therapy is an effective treatment for Relationship Anxiety. Where both partners agree to seek therapy together, it can be an intimate space where relationship fears can be explored, new patterns of relating to one another can be found, and a deeper understanding of early life experiences and how these shape our adult relationships can help couples reignite their compassion and empathy, as well as their sex life.
For couples where both parties are not agreeable to therapy, individualised treatment approaches are available that can target your anxiety in a way that will have a positive impact on your current and future romantic relationship. This might include CBT, ACT, DBT, IPT, or Psychodynamic Therapy. Either way, there are treatment options that can lead to positive and lasting change in your relationships.
Constantly Thinking Your Partner Wants To Break Up
The fear that your partner wants to break up is normally completely unfounded and can put unnecessary stress on the relationship. There are normally clear signs that a relationship isnt going well or that your partner is unhappy and might want to end things. In the absence of these signs, take your relationship at face value and trust that your partner wants to be with you.
Don’t Miss: Can Anxiety Cause You To Throw Up
You Dont Express Your Love Physically
Again, out of the fear of being called clingy, you do not express your love physically. You are too afraid to make the first move of holding their hand or leaning in to kiss, of hugging for the first time. You leave it to them.
You are also scared of what theyll think of your bodily odour. What you need to understand is that it is okay to feel that way while you are dating, but in a relationship, both partners accept one another despite all flaws.
Strategy : Share With Your Partner
Many times overthinking in a relationship is partly due to a lack of communication. You have to wonder what they are thinking or planning because you havent spoken with them about it. Does your partner even know that you are feeling insecure? Take some time to share your thoughts and feelings with your partner. Ask them what they meant when they said XYZ or did 123. Most of the time this can answer your question of how to stop overthinking in a relationship.
Read Also: How To Control Anxiety During Sex
Dealing With Anxiety Following Arguments With Your Partner
I still remember the first time I had an argument with my now husband.
Having met in college, we didnt become serious in our relationship right away. Something about him, though, I knew that if we did end up moving to the next levelit was going to be a very important relationship.
He was the first person who seemed to accept meeven the parts of me I though were weird and undesirablewe laughed together, we were able to have really deep discussions, we had a lot in common and also enough differences that it kept things exciting. He was a good person and I did NOT want to bring any unhealthy dynamics into our relationship. I didnt want to lose this guy.
And let me tell you, I had experienced unhealthy dynamics in past relationships. When relationships are dysfunctional, each partner plays a part. And I knew my part wellmy anxiety can get the best of me.
I had that kind of anxiety that can worm into your brain and get you replaying and overanalyzing interactions, that kind of anxiety that tells you your biggest fears are truths, that kind of anxiety that tells you negative things about yourself until your heart is pounding and your chest is tight. That kind of anxiety that tells you YOU NEED TO FIX THIS NOW! YOU NEED TO GET ANSWERS NOW!
And when this kind of anxiety pops up in relationships unchecked, it can be very overwhelming for our partners. And really painful for us.
What Are The Signs Of Relationship Anxiety
Before you start to dissect the way you act in your relationship, you should know that not all worries are signs of anxiety. Paying attention to your emotions, insecurities, and changes in communication can be a very healthy exercise.
However, if you caught yourself constantly doubting the relationships future, deliberately sabotaging things, or being aloof with your partner, it could be a good time to talk with a professional.
Here are some possible signs that anxiety could be taking too much space in your relationship:
- Continuously doubling the other persons feelings for you
- Wanting to be around your partner all the time
- Looking for constant reassurance from your partner
- Always putting the other person first, even at your own expense
- Acting controlling about your partner relations and actions
- Over-analyzing simple words and attitudes for omens of trouble
- Feeling afraid that your partner will end the relationship
- Spending more time worrying about the relationship than enjoying it.
All these anxious thoughts can undermine your happiness and make you feel pretty alone. It can lead you to create distance between you and your partner. And at its worst, can even push you to walk away from the person you love.
Understanding relationship anxiety can help you identify the negative thoughts and actions that are hurting your love life. So, what are the steps you can take to improve your well-being and deal with the effects of anxiety in your relationship?
Also Check: Does Xanax Help With Anxiety
Different Ways Relationship Anxiety Presents Itself
Here are some ways to tell that anxiety is manifesting itself in your relationship:
- Wondering if your partner truly has feelings for you
- Looking for constant reassurance from your partner
- Holding doubts about romantic compatibility
- Over-analyzing simple words and actions for signs of trouble
- Constantly feeling like your partner intends to call off the relationship
- Spending more time worrying about the relationship than enjoying it
In other cases, relationship anxiety may take the form of deliberately sabotaging things with your partner. This can be seen where slight issues are blown out of proportion or where traps are laid for your partner to test fidelity.
It may also appear in instances where you purposely stay aloof and guarded with your partner, all to steel yourself against hurt and pre-empt difficulties.
Dating Someone With Social Anxiety
If you are dating someone with social anxiety, the anxiety will most likely affect your social life. You might not be able to take your partner to all of the social events or gatherings you want to go to. Like with other forms of anxiety, this could lead to arguments or cause the two of you to grow apart.
Read Also: What Kind Of Doctor Treats Anxiety
Anxiety Causes You To Behave Selfishly
Because anxiety is an overactive fear response, someone experiencing it may at times focus too much on his or her own concerns or problems.
Your worries and fears may be putting unnecessary pressure on your relationship. You may feel like you need to worry in order to protect yourself in your relationship, but it might be keeping you from being compassionate and vulnerable with your partner.
If your partner experiences anxiety, you may build up resentment and react in selfish ways as well. The attitudes and perspectives that we have are contagious. Keeping your stress levels under control is especially hard when your partner is feeling anxious, upset, or defensive.
so attendto your needs, not your fears. When you notice yourself becoming fearful or defensive, take a moment to consider the compassion that you have for yourself and your partner. Clearly ask for the support you need to feel loved and understood. Apologize for letting anxiety make you self-absorbed.
Unhealthy levels of anxiety make you feel as though an emotional rock is in your stomach almost all the time.
Dealing With Relationship Anxiety
Many people wonder, How to overcome the relationship anxiety to make romantic relationships with a loved one strong and happy? So, we have compiled a list of 7 the best tips for overcoming anxiety.
1. Sort out your feelings
It is important to understand the nature of your anxiety: whether it is real or imaginary. To do this, ask yourself a few questions, “How important and necessary is it for me? What is the worst thing that can happen if everything goes the way I think? And how will everything be if it happens the other way round?” These questions will help you identify what is really important and consequently, get rid of anxiety.
2. Put it baldly what you expect from a relationship
Every person with an anxiety disorder is familiar with endless thoughts about the same thing they cannot break free of intrusive thoughts, although they understand their inappropriateness. Such a problem can greatly harm the relationship. Anxious people tend to dwell on their thoughts and feelings. They often imagine the worst case scenario. To save love, you should explain to your partner what you expect from the relationship. In such a case, there will be no uncertainty that entails bad feelings and anxiety at the beginning of a relationship.
3. Accept the fact that you cannot fully control the partner
4. Tell your partner about the anxiety disorder
5. Agree on conflict solutions
6. Remember that everything is going to be all right
7. Seek professional help
Read Also: Is Medical Marijuana Good For Anxiety