Take Time For Yourself
Feeling a little lost after a breakup is natural. Romantic partners often help shape your identity and sense of self.
The loss of a partnership can create an absence where you once felt love and connection, triggering pain, stress, and anxious thoughts.
When you feel alone and hurt, spending time by yourself might be the last thing you want to do. You crave the comfort a partner can provide, so you might end up turning to someone else a friend, family member, even a rebound partner.
Theres absolutely nothing wrong with seeking social support. Still, taking some time to reconnect with yourself can help reduce anxious feelings and make it easier to begin the healing process.
To start rekindling your relationship with yourself:
- Reflect. Explore how the relationship and breakup experiences clarified your needs and taught you about yourself. How can you use that new insight to build stronger, more satisfying relationships in the future?
- Pause. Consider waiting to pursue a new relationship before you truly feel over your ex-partner. Looking for a new connection before youre ready can get in the way of self-exploration and healing. Any anxiety and fears you didnt fully address might resurface with your new partner.
- Take inventory. Explore any new habits and beliefs you adopted during the relationship. Do these changes accurately represent your desires, interests, and values? Or did you adopt new traits in the hopes of building a stronger bond with your then-partner?
Is It Normal To Have Anxiety After A Breakup
Sadness after a breakup is common and expected. However, experiencing anxiety after breakup can be scary, and leave you riddled with a host of questions. Was the breakup a mistake? Are these anxious thoughts a sign that you should get back together with your ex? Or worse, are these an indicator of underlying mental health problems?
All of these questions can further feed the spiral of intrusive thoughts and restlessness that is commonly associated with anxiety. So, first and foremost, lets address a crucial question: Is it normal to have anxiety after a breakup?
According to research, anxiety characterized by trouble sleeping, poor concentration, restlessness, panic, pessimism, racing, and intrusive thoughts is a common feature of post-breakup sadness and distress. Another study indicates that 43.4% of people experience psychological distress in varying degrees after the end of a romantic relationship. That is four in 10 people. So, its safe to say that anxiety be it anxiety about dating after breakup or anxiety over being alone after breakup is fairly common.
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Taking Care Of Yourself
Some things that may be helpful include:
- Giving yourself permission to not be on your “A” game. You may not be as efficient in getting your work done or play as well in your intramural soccer game that’s okay.
- Making time to do the small things that are fun or relaxing. Go on a walk. Listen to your favorite song. Take a few deep breaths.
- Avoiding using alcohol, drugs, or food to escape your feelings. These may seem to provide temporary relief, but in reality they can intensify negative feelings and lead to unhealthy patterns.
- Exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, and eating well may not feel like priorities when you are coping with a breakup, but they can be important ways of boosting your mood, reducing anxiety, and supporting your immune system when you need it most.
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Sadness And Anxiety After Breakup
You and your partner have split now you cant sleep, you cant eat, you dont laugh, you feel upset when other people seem happy around you. Even if the breakup was your decision, the adjustment takes its toll when a relationship ends. A breakup can transform a person who is typically very happy with stable mental health into a depressed, anxious shell of their former selves. If you have an anxiety disorder, a substance use disorder, or social anxiety, it can be even more difficult to stabilize mental health during this time.
This isnt uncommon even in a healthy split, and it likely isnt the first time its happened to you and, unfortunately, may not be the last. So what are some ways to cope with the anxiety after a breakup? We have our coping mechanisms for those of us who have been here before, but even then, we acknowledge the difficulty thats why we go into auto-pilot.
Risks For Increased Struggle After a Breakup
If you know you already have any of the following mental health issues, take preventive measures immediately to prevent spiraling into anxiety after a breakup.
Signs Youre Struggling After a Breakup
Feeling sad is normal, but how do you know when its too much and need intervention? Look for the following red flags:
Embrace Your Support Network
Ten Tips For Coping With Anxiety After A Breakup
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does anxiety last after a breakup?
What Is The Outlook For Depression After A Breakup
Despite the rollercoaster ride of a breakup, its possible to heal and overcome mental anguish. The outlook is positive with treatment, but its important that you dont ignore prolonged negative feelings and sadness. The healing process varies for each person. But with the help of friends, family, and maybe a doctor, you can overcome depression and move on after a relationship ends.
If you think someone is at immediate risk of self-harm or hurting another person:
- Stay with the person until help arrives.
- Remove any guns, knives, medications, or other things that may cause harm.
- Listen, but dont judge, argue, threaten, or yell.
If you think someone is considering suicide, get help from a crisis or suicide prevention hotline. Try the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.
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Why Breakups Are Hard
Romantic love can be like a drug. It triggers the release of âfeel goodâ chemicals in your brain. Losing it in a breakup can cause emotional and physical problems, like anxiety and tiredness.
Emotional stress can also send out a rush of stress hormones that make you feel like youâre having a heart attack. Thatâs called broken heart syndrome.
And sometimes your identity gets wrapped up in the âweâ of your relationship. That means a breakup can disrupt how you think about yourself. You might feel uneasy as you adjust to your new self-concept.
Some other common symptoms after a breakup include:
A breakup tends to cause more distress in certain situations. That includes:
- You donât expect it.
- You are very committed.
- You feel rejected or betrayed.
- Youâre a teenager or young adult.
Do Not Meet Someone Else Right After Your Breakup
Meeting someone right after a breakup may seem great, as you may miss the days when you were dating and were in a relationship, but it is not so.
You should take some time to analyze yourself, introspect, and get lessons from the past relationship.
Before getting into a new relationship, you should find inner harmony.
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How To Deal With Breakup Pain
The pain of a breakup is similar to experiencing a death. It is the death of a reality, a future and a hope you may have been holding on to.
To deal with this pain, you must allow yourself time to grieve.
There are many exercises, books and techniques you can use to give yourself the space and grace to heal. I detail some of them in my article, the Ultimate Breakup Guide for Letting Go of Someone You Love and Recovering Yourself.
But feelings of anxiety after a breakup go beyond feeling sad. They are past the state of normal worry for the future. Breakup anxiety is your fight or flight mechanisms turned on to a heightened state and your body triggering strong emotions at all times, without knowing when to turn them on or off.
Expert Recommends 8 Ways To Cope With Anxiety After Breakup
Struggling with horrible anxiety after breakup can leave you riddled with questions, doubts, and dilemmas. As is the wont of an anxious mind, these questions feed the racing, intrusive thoughts, which give way to more questions than answers, and you find yourself trapped in a cycle that keeps feeding itself.
Besides, making sense of an anxiety attack after breakup or even occasional bouts of anxiousness can be hard if your rational mind knows and understands that breaking up was the right decision. As Reddit user kdh4_me writes, Im not exactly sure WHY I have anxiety. I know we werent meant for each other and that I can find a better match for me. So, any idea why I feel anxious?? Is my body just unsure of how to react?
If you find yourself in a similar situation where anxiety after breakup is taking a toll on your mental health and taking up a major chunk of your headspace, remember to treat yourself with kindness and compassion. You just lost an integral part of your life and whatever feelings that loss is triggering are valid. Now, from this place of compassion, try these 8 ways to cope with breakup sadness and anxiety:
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How Long Does Breakup Pain Last
Well, I could tell you six months to a year or half the time you were dating, but we all know theres no exact number.
In the middle of the pain, we all desperately want to know how long it takes to get over a breakup.
However, if two, three, four or five years have gone by and your life is stuck and youre still brewing over the loss of your EX and your life hasnt moved forward, its highly likely you need to get help to deal with everything youre feeling.
When it comes to getting over someone, however, I do have a few guarantees.
Sometimes the length of time it takes to get over a breakup depends on how long it takes you to let go.
So, I must ask you, have you let go?
Overcoming Anxiety After Breakup
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After a breakup, you may want to get rid of the thoughts connected to your ex, or you may want him/her back, and other ways.
However, all the ways will be normal. The period after a breakup is a good time for introspection you can use that time to analyze what you want and what is right for you: to be with that person or walk ahead.
So you should not rush and contact with your ex immediately after the breakup, even if you want to do it strongly.
Just take some time, and after thinking, do whatever feels right for you als do not forget why you broke up: there is always a reason.
If you do not know the reason, you should not judge yourself: try to accept yourself, and remember you are not the only person experiencing a breakup.
Almost all people experience it during their lifetime: some once, some twice or more.
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What Are The Causes Of Breakup Anxiety
Big life events can trigger anxiety and a breakup certainly could fall into that category. Uncertainty and anticipation are also big factors in driving anxiety.
Research has found that uncertainty about future events can lead to anxiety. One of the reasons this is thought to be the case is because uncertainty makes it hard to prepare for the future.
So, how does this play out in a breakup? Say you thought youd spend the rest of your life with someone. Perhaps you had made plans in your head about what that may look like and the things youd do together. If that no longer is happening, it can leave you uncertain and feeling anxious about what the future may hold.
Another study from 2010 looked at married women and found that some peoples partners made their anxiety better. If you were in a relationship with someone who made your anxiety better and are suddenly not in that relationship anymore, its possible your anxiety could flare up.
A Diagnosis: Adjustment Disorders Stress And Depression
My therapist diagnosed me with an adjustment disorder, which is exactly what it sounds like: a physical and emotional response when the stress of an event becomes too big to cope with on your own. Its a stress response that can lead to situational depression, it usually takes hold within three months of a stressful event, and typically takes three to six months to resolve itself when the diagnosis is acute. It can move more quickly with treatment, which can include therapy and medication.
Having a name for what I was going through didnt make it much easier to handle. I had a tremendous amount going on at the time of the breakup. I had recently ended a 10-year-relationship and was struggling to get along with my ex-husband I had two kids to take care of, mounting financial stress, and an underlying mental health condition . There were other jarring events around the same time, like my family cat died suddenly my own health was shaky at best, and far from a priority for my attention. Basically, in the aftermath of the breakup, I felt like my entire life was crumbling from all angles and I was powerless against it. Ultimately, it was too much and my mental health suffered terribly.
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You Can Find Happiness Again
Emotional discomfort doesn’t always mean something has gone wrong. Agonizing over the end of a relationship often signifies that you made yourself vulnerable, you opened yourself up to another person, and you are capable of connection. If met with awareness and intention, a breakup can actually help you learn to choose a better partner and redefine your boundaries better in the future.
Often, the pain of a break up ends when you can fully acknowledge that even though parts of the relationship were great, it doesn’t mean that ending the relationship was a mistake. When you miss your college days, do you take it as a sign that graduating and moving on wasn’t meant to be? Past relationships are also necessary for learning and growing. I hope you take the opportunity for self-discovery, growth, and emotional progress so that you can find happiness again!
And when it’s all said and done, Mike Loves Syd, xxoo.
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Coping With Depression After Breakup
Whether youre are having normal post-breakup sadness or something more serious, there are things that you can do to make it easier to cope once a relationship ends. While there is no way to predict who will experience breakup depression, there are things that you can do to help make yourself more resilient to stressful events.
Some things you can do include:
- Forming a strong social support network, including online networks
- Caring for yourself and your health
- Learn problem-solving skills
- Work on improving your self-esteem
- Create goals to work toward
- Take steps toward solving your problems
- Find a sense of purpose in your life
- Allow yourself time and space to process feelings in ways that feel true, honoring, and supportive for you
Research has also shown that writing about what you are feeling or positive experiences can improve coping after a traumatic event.
Finding ways to stay occupied can also be helpful. While you might be tempted to brood, doing things that keep your mind and body busy keep you from ruminating over negative thoughts. Try digging into a new project around the house or start up a new hobby that youve been wondering about.
Exercising and spending time with friends can also be a great way to elevate your mood and cope with post-breakup stress. Research has also shown that writing about what you are feeling or positive experiences can improve coping after a traumatic event.
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Taking Care Of Yourself After A Breakup
A divorce is a highly stressful, life-changing event. When youre going through the emotional wringer and dealing with major life changes, its more important than ever to take care of yourself. The strain and upset of a major breakup can leave you psychologically and physically vulnerable.
Treat yourself like youre getting over the flu. Get plenty of rest, minimize other sources of stress in your life, and reduce your workload if possible. Learning to take care of yourself can be one of the most valuable lessons you learn following a breakup. As you feel the emotions of your loss and begin learning from your experience, you can resolve to take better care of yourself and make positive choices going forward.