Coming From A Frugal But Financially Stable Background What Helped Me Was Budgeting And An Adequate Emergency Fund Once You Understand What Your Life Costs And You Have Three Six Nine 12 Months Or Whatever Of Living Expenses Saved Up It Helps Not To Worry About The Future If I Lose My Job My House Get Divorced Whatever I Know I Can Make It Work
An emergency fund is pretty much exactly what it sounds like: a savings account you can draw on in case of an unexpected bill or loss of income. Personal finance experts often suggest saving three to six months of your basic living expenses in your e-fund.
If you haven’t started saving yet and that sounds like a lot of money, don’t be discouraged. Start with smaller goals can you save $5 a week until you reach $100? How about $200 next? Track your progress along the way, save at least a little bit every week, and keep setting new goals as you reach your old ones.
Develop An Action Plan For Anxiety And Depression
Your action plan for anxiety and depression will cover a wide range of options. The plan can include exercise, stress management and how to improve your sleep. You may be referred to a psychologist who can help you address things like negative thinking and how to manage difficulties in your relationships.
Some people think its weak to admit theyre going through a tough time, but if you have anxiety or depression, you cant just snap out of it or pull yourself together. Theres more to it than that.
If you think you may have anxiety or depression, and want to take action, start by talking to someone you trust keeping it to yourself can make things worse. Discuss your situation with a friend, partner, family member a colleague or your GP.
Beyond Blue has put together information about how men can create an action plan.
They Arent Always Present
As mentioned in the above point, theyre not always present in a conversation, but its not just conversation that can trigger this reaction. Everyday events can cause everyone to get lost in contemplation at some point or another, but for those with anxiety almost everything can serve as a contemplative trigger. They will recede into the depths of their mind quite regularly and youll likely notice the vacancy on their face. Contrary to what romantic movies suggest, its not always cute to come up and spook them while theyre lost in thought
Gently nudge them back to reality regularly. Remind them where they are, what theyre doing , and to appreciate it. Theyll greatly appreciate you doing so. You can learn more about mindfulness and how it relates to anxiety here.
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If Depression Is Involved Take Suicidal Comments Seriously
Overcoming anxiety disorder is often a lot of work with many ups and downs and back and forths. Often the road to success includes moments of despair and disillusionment. Consequently, there may be times when a person feels like giving up.
For some people, giving up means ending ones life. If your loved one makes comments about suicide as a way of ending his struggle, take it seriously and call for emergency help . Even if you arent sure if he is serious, its best to err on the side of safety.
How To Help Your Spouse Deal With Anxiety
For me, it often happens in the evening . It feels like a sudden Visitor at your door who comes in unannounced and spreads an uncomfortable, heavy, warm, wet blanket over you, gradually but quickly covering your whole body, and I feel it mainly in my chest. As soon as I feel myself covered, Im very aware of the sense of unexplained dread thats overcome me. Often my vision narrows and its difficult to concentrate on what people are saying. I can feel my heart pounding. My breathing is shallow. And its hard not to just sit there, paralyzed, and feel intense fear for something that I dont know how to define.
Sometimes it takes a long while for the feeling to gradually dissipate. Other times, it just sort of leaves quickly, like it wanted to slip quietly out the back door without anyone noticing. Its exhausting. And the most frustrating part, every time, is the nonsensical, illogical way the Visitor just comes and goes, without any sort of reason, at least none that I can think of.
Anxiety attacks are a beast, and Ive experienced them for years. Every time Ive had to deal with anxiety, my wife, Kristin, has been there right beside me, walking the road. She can tell when the Visitor is at the door because she can hear me trying to catch my breath.
What Is Anxiety Exactly?
However, this process is only made to come and go as needed. Its not meant to pop up without warning and interfere with everyday life.
What Spouses Can Do
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Dont Say : Are You Ok
If your friend told you theyre feeling super anxious, they clearly are not OK. Constantly asking them for a status update can make them feel pressured to get better now. When we see someone we care about suffering, our instinct is often to try to fix it. But some things, including anxiety, cant be fixed by outsiders.
The Dos And Donts Of Helping Someone With Anxiety
If someone in your family or one of your friends has been experiencing anxiety or has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, you will want to know the best ways to support them. Leaning how to help someone with anxiety can be daunting at first, but once you understand their concerns, you should be able to communicate well.
Mental health conditions can sometimes be tricky to manage, but when it comes to helping and supporting someone with anxiety, we have outlined some useful anxiety dos and donts so that you can make sure that the steps that you take help them to start feeling better once again.
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They Are Well Aware Their Anxiety Is Often Irrational
Being aware of the irrationality does not stop the thoughts from racing. It does not stop the thinking of hundreds of different worst-case scenarios. If it was as easy as saying okay, thats irrational no point worrying about it, the majority of those living with anxiety would not have problems with it anymore.
One of the worst things about anxiety is how aware of the irrationality they can be. Pointing out that its irrational doesnt help they already know this. What they need is compassion, understanding, and support very rarely do they need advice on how irrational and pointless their anxiety it You can learn more about that here.
Knowing How Anxiety Works Can Help You To Better Support Loved Ones Without Inadvertently Making Their Anxiety Worse
When I first moved into my spouses house in 2001, she didnt want to include my name in our answering machine greeting. Because of our big age gap and same-sex relationship, she was justifiably anxious about how her parents would react to my having moved in so she kept it from them for several months. Though I felt a great deal of compassion for her and her situation, I was also frustrated that her anxiety was affecting meand I didnt like acting as though we had something to be ashamed of.
Scenarios like this are common when someone in your life is struggling with anxiety. Your loved one may feel so fearful that they avoid taking action, or act in ways that are inconsiderate or that increase your own anxiety. This might look like a boyfriend constantly putting off important tasks or discussions, a friend complaining about being lonely but refusing to date, or a boss always focusing on what could go wrong, making everyone miserable. Its difficult to witness anxiety in someone you know, and its even harder when their anxiety triggers yours.
But what can you do to help anxious people?
While its upsetting and frustrating to see these folks suffer, there are things you can do to help. Here are some of the strategies I recommend based on my book, The Anxiety Toolkit.
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Comforting Words For Someone With Anxiety
Dont Put Pressure On Them
While it is important for you to not enable their behaviours, it is also imperative that you dont force the person to go to places or enter scenarios that they are extremely anxious about.
This is something that they should work gradually towards with professional therapeutic support. If you attempt to push them too far, it could damage the trust in your relationship and cause them a significant amount of stress.
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Recognize The Signs Of Anxiety
Some people experience a low-level hum of anxiety that hangs over them like a storm cloud, and others have more episodic seasons or days that strike like lightening, seemingly out of nowhere. If you feel confused, put off or even annoyed by your loved ones behavior, you need to slow down, not say anything , and pay attention. Identifying the signs and symptoms of anxiety is the first step toward helping the person you love.
There are three categories of symptoms to watch for:
- Easily startled
- Obsessive or compulsive behavior
Sometimes, you might be able to spot these symptoms before your friend or spouse or parent does. You might be able to help them identify what theyre experiencing by kindly asking, Hey, Im feeling some tension from you. Would you share how youre feeling?
The Do’s And Don’ts Of Anxiety
With that in mind, it’s time to go over some tips on how to help a friend with anxiety. Note that every person is different and has different needs. There are some people who want to talk about their anxieties, and there are others who may have never mentioned it. So even with these do’s and don’ts, it’s hard to know exactly what you should do. However, this can be a helpful guide.
Dealing with anxiety is an uphill battle, and it does take a toll on others around them. Anxiety can strain relationships, and may even cause significant stress on a loved one. Some people find that they actually start developing anxieties of their own.
But a supportive friend is an extremely effective way to treat your own anxiety. Learn from the above tips to better understand how to help your friend, family member, or a partner and you’ll give them the best opportunity to overcome their anxiety and grow closer to you as a result.
Those that love someone with anxiety may feel helpless that they cannot help their partner or friend. Anxiety is treatable, but its also a very individual experience. Learning more about anxiety is the best thing you can do for them, as well as encouraging them if they decide theyre ready to treat it.
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Dos And Donts Of Helping Someone With Anxiety
- It is challenging to love someone that lives with anxiety
- Some of the ways that friends/family try to help can make anxiety worse
- There are many dos and donts for those who have loved ones with anxiety
- Your support is going to be a big part of their recovery
- If you personally have never experienced an anxiety disorder, it is helpful to remember that the experience of living with anxiety is typically not what most people imagine
Dating Someone With Social Anxiety
If you are dating someone with social anxiety, the anxiety will most likely affect your social life. You might not be able to take your partner to all of the social events or gatherings you want to go to. Like with other forms of anxiety, this could lead to arguments or cause the two of you to grow apart.
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Handling An Anxiety/panic Attack
Do Look After Yourself
When you offer to help with anxiety, it is understandable for you to feel frustrated, scared or tired from time-to-time. It is likely that their anxieties are having an effect on you too.
Make sure that youre dealing with these emotions and maintaining your wellbeing. Talk to other friends or family members about how you are feeling, think about accessing therapeutic support, take really good care of your physical and mental health, and book in time every week to do activities that you enjoy. By keeping yourself well, you will be in a much better position to help the person with anxiety.
And always remember, youre doing your best.
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