How Does Anxiety Affect Relationships

Address Conflict Or Differences Of Opinion

Not addressing relationship conflict can lead to resentment and the breakdown of the relationship. While conflict is unavoidable, its important to manage and deal with it in a healthy way. It may be difficult to express yourself, but start by focusing on using I statements and taking responsibility for your part in the conflict.

How Can Anxiety Affect Your Relationship

For most of us, when we become anxious, we reach out to our partner to help us manage our fear. This is an important function of the attachment relationship which is known to serve a biological function. This is because when we feel fear, our fight or flight system becomes activated. Reaching out and receiving comfort from a loved one calms our nervous system and brings us back to a healthy place of balance.

As children, we usually turn to our parents or other trusted adult to calm our fears. As adults, our parents are replaced with our partner. In a relationship where one person is suffering from an anxiety disorder, this can place a strain on their relationship as they tend to need more support. An anxious person may also be incapable of being the one to provide support to their partner if needed.

In a relationship where one partner is anxious, the unaffected partner can feel overwhelmed and unsupported.

Are Anxiety Disorders Associated With Relationship Distress

Population studies point to strong associations between an anxiety disorder in one partner and perceptions of poor marital quality by both partners . A longitudinal analysis of 4,796 married couples indicated that baseline marital quality was a strong predictor of the onset of an anxiety disorder over a subsequent 2-year period . Recent data from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication have also demonstrated that marital distress is significantly associated with increased risk of having any concurrent anxiety disorder, particularly social anxiety disorder , generalized anxiety disorder , and posttraumatic stress disorder . The association between anxiety disorders and poor marital functioning does not appear to be an artifact of general social impairment and is not better accounted for by age, gender, or comorbidity with depression or with alcohol or drug dependence . Moreover, adults with anxiety disorders may engage in interpersonal behaviors that elicit poor reactions from others or jeopardize opportunities for support and intimacy .

Also Check: How To Relieve Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety Disorder Symptoms

How do we identify social anxiety disorder? Those with social anxiety often have various symptoms that can signal the presence of this mental illness. Mayoclinic.org lists several ways this disorder can present itself, such as:

• Intense fear during social situations
• Intense fear of interacting with others
• Fear of situations where you believe you will be judged or viewed negatively
• Fear of criticism
• Expecting the worst possible outcome from a social event

How Your Anxiety Disorder Is Affecting Your Romantic Relationship

• Categorized Anxiety, Uncategorized

Generalized anxiety disorder is characterized by excessive worry over everyday occurrences that usually do not produce fear in the general population. The worrying is almost impossible to control and can often negatively affect your romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are challenging. A healthy and prosperous romantic relationship requires patience, communication, hard work, empathy, and both individuals must be independently happy. Mental health disorders such as anxiety can interfere with a relationship if the individual is not aware of their signs and symptoms or if they allow their mental health disorder to go untreated. However, mental health disorders, in particular, anxiety does not have to break your relationship or put a strain on it to the point where it becomes difficult to enjoy. By understanding anxiety in general and how it affects both your partner and your relationship, you can love each other more deeply and connect in a new way. If you are struggling with anxiety, it is common to continuously ask yourself questions and doubt your relationship. The following are some typical examples of thoughts and issues that may keep you up at night:

• What if he doesnt love me as much as I love him?
• What if she is lying to me?
• What if he is hiding something from me?
• What if my anxiety ruins our relationship?
• What if we break up?
• What if Im always the first one to reach out?

Read Also: How Do I Help My Daughter With Anxiety

Managing Your Anxiety In Your Relationship

Search Blog

Disclaimer

This blog is for informational purposes only and should not be a substitute for medical advice. We understand that everyones situation is unique, and this content is to provide an overall understanding of mental health disorders. These disorders are very complex, and this post does not take into account the unique circumstances for every individual. For specific questions about your health needs or that of a loved one, seek the help of a healthcare professional.

Contact Us

Avoid Acting On Your Feelings

Feeling anxious about your relationship or your partner can sometimes make you want proof that everything is all right.

Its natural to want to reassure yourself, but resist the impulse to find this proof in unhelpful or harmful ways.

Pay attention to the difference between your usual behaviors and impulsive actions. Texting regularly might be normal in your relationship, and keeping up a steady conversation can help reinforce your sense of connection. But sending several texts in an hour asking your partner where they are and what theyre doing, when you know theyre hanging out with friends, can lead to conflict.

When you feel these impulses, try to distract yourself with some deep breathing, a walk or jog, or a quick phone call to a close friend.

Also Check: Is Viibryd Good For Anxiety

Childhood: The Root Cause Of Relationship Anxiety

Oftentimes, relationship anxiety stems from attachment patterns that develop in early childhood, says Zayde. A child will develop a prototype of what to expect from others based upon their early caregiving experiences.

She says that, depending on the accuracy and consistency of the caregivers response, a child will learn to either express or suppress his or her emotional and physical needs. This coping mechanism may work at the time, but it can morph into maladaptive behaviors when applied to adult, romantic relationships.

Oftentimes, relationship anxiety stems from attachment patterns that develop in early childhood.

A common example of maladaptive behavior is what psychologists refer to as an enmeshed relationship, or a situation in which a parent is overly involved in a childs life, as stated in Greenberg, Cicchetti and Cummings’ book, Attachment in the Preschool Years. This can lead to “reciprocally intrusive, controlling behavior,” and “much insecurity and distress on the part of both over real or threatened separation.”

On the flip side, for those who feel easily suffocated in a relationship, they may have had childhood experiences that caused them to become avoidant of relationships and bonding. For example, a child with an inattentive parent may learn to suppress their innate proclivity toward bonding in order to prevent heartache and feelings of rejection. As an adult, that child may have a difficult time committing to, or being vulnerable in, a relationship.

Effects Of Anxious Attachment

Anxiously attached individuals tend to experience more intense negative emotional reactions and cognitions, such as rumination, and downplay and dismiss positive life events and experiences7. Findings from a study that explored individuals with social anxiety disorder and attachment styles showed that those with anxious attachment reported more severe social anxiety and avoidance, greater impairment, greater depression, and lower life satisfaction than participants with secure attachment8.

Recommended Reading: How Do You Get Social Anxiety

Wondering If You Matter To Your Partner

The most common expression of relationship anxiety relates to underlying questions of Do I matter? or Are you there for me?’ Robertson explains. This speaks to a fundamental need to connect, belong, and feel secure in a partnership.

For example, you might worry that:

• your partner wouldnt miss you much if you werent around
• they might not offer help or support if anything serious came up
• they just want to be with you because of what you can do for them

How Can Anxiety Impact Your Relationships

Anxiety can impact your relationships in a number of different ways depending on the symptoms that you are experiencing. For some, it might cause them to become overly dependent on their loved ones while others might isolate themselves for fear of embarrassment or becoming a burden.

Well go over some of the common ways that general anxiety disorder impacts relationships.

Also Check: Is Zoloft For Anxiety Or Depression

You Might Need Consistent Reassurance

Anxiety might make you question what other people think of you: whether they like you, love you, are mad at you, or if their feelings for you have changed. Because of the worry that comes with anxiety, you might seek out more consistent reassurance to quiet the worry. Besides working with a therapist and individually on gaining self-assurance and confidence, find out your love language. If your partner knows how you feel loved and reassured, they can more easily make an effort to help you feel secure.

This may mean you are asking for reassurance more than others or are feeling insecure more than other people do. Its important for you to be honest and find people who are OK with learning your needs and making you feel reassured. If you dont know your love language, you can take this quiz to find out! Knowing how to best receive/feel reassured or loved can help you communicate to your friends, family, and partner what they can do that would give you reassurance or help ease your mind when you find yourself doubting their feelings for you.

Why Anxiety Ruins Relationships

Anxiety ruins relationships because it intrudes. It creates negative thought patterns and beliefs, and it makes them larger than life . These issues erode feelings of connection and the ability to trust. Anxiety becomes an obstacle as it commands the attention of both partners. Rather than being fully present with each other, both the person with anxiety and their partner place too much attention on the anxiety. This, in turn, leads to feelings of disconnection, separation, and abandonment.

Anxiety is a critical voice that shouts not sweet nothings but mean somethings. A big part of any type of anxiety is self-doubt that talks over the rational thoughts and words of both partners. Anxious thoughts and beliefs held by the partner with anxiety says such things as:

• Youre incompetent
• You dont deserve your partners love
• You arent a good partner
• Your partner is going to leave you
• You should protect your partner so nothing bad happens to them

If anxious thoughts would remain mere thoughts, theyd be annoying but probably wouldnt ruin relationships. Anxiety never remains as thoughts, however. Instead, they bleed into emotions and dictate behaviors. Certain types of anxious behaviors, stemming from both thoughts and emotions, are common in relationships:

• Clinginess, overdependence, attachment, and an extreme need for closeness, reassurance
• Jealousy, possessiveness, suspiciousness
• Cold, rejecting, punishing, shunning
• Avoidance of open, honest communication

Read Also: How To Stop Bedtime Anxiety

The Physical Effects Of Anxiety

Its no wonder that our relationships are affected by anxiety – especially when it comes to intimacy and connection.

Truth is, there isnt a mammal out there that will mate when there are predators lurking.

They need to feel safe before they can engage in the act, and humans are no different. When anxiety has you believing there’s a looming threat , it’s going to be very difficult to relax, feel safe and engage in intimacy.

Moreover, libido is often physiologically affected with chronic experiences of anxiety.

This has to do with the stress hormone, cortisol, being released into the body to assist with the fight, flight or freeze response.

The more anxious or stressed you feel, the more cortisol is being created and released into your body.

This has several effects, not least of which is the effect on womens hormone levels. More specifically, progesterone is used as a precursor to cortisol, which means the body will make use of the available progesterone to feed the required cortisol levels. This lowers the levels of progesterone in the body.

As a result, we have a knock-on effect because a dip in progesterone levels will mean that oestrogen becomes dominant. And any hormonal imbalance is likely to affect libido on a physical level.

No matter how good your intentions are, if your hormones are out of whack, then the lust for intimacy simply will not be there.

You Might Become Dependent

The opposite might happen. When people ask how anxiety ruins relationships, they often think of the withdrawal, but not the dependency that can happen.

If youre withdrawing from those around you, or even just suffering from anxious thoughts, you might not want to be alone and only around a loved one you trust.

Unfortunately, this can often mean that immense pressure is put on the loved one. Even though theyre usually happy to be around you, being around them 24/7 can become exhausting.

Everyone should be able to exist and be happy in their own company.

Just remember, its healthy to be independent and if youre finding that impossible at the moment, its a strong sign that you might be suffering from anxiety.

You May Like: Does Cymbalta Help With Anxiety

The Emotional Effects Of Anxiety

Beyond sex and communication, relationships also require a level of self-confidence and trust.

Knowing that you’re loved and cherished in a relationship helps you put your best self forward and connect more intimately with your partner.

People in general have a hard time believing they’re good enough and worthy of love. When anxiety is in the picture, this sense of self-confidence is often damaged. Anxiety may leave you feeling needy, insecure and unsure of yourself, which often translates into the relationship, especially when it’s rooted in childhood trauma.

This can put pressure on both partners – one partner is asked to provide constant reassurance and the other is asked to trust that they’re loved.

This dynamic does not always play out as smoothly as one hopes. One partner might start to feel like a burden, putting a strain on the relationship.

This becomes more challenging when physical intimacy has already flown out the window and communication is closely following. The sense of trust, security and belonging in the relationship can become significantly challenged, leading to an increase in anxiety.

Anxious Attachment In Intimate Relationships

While much of this discussion is centered on the aspects of anxious attachment on the self, it isn’t hard to spot a partnership affected by this issue. Many anxiously attached individuals can appear clingy, controlling, or even aggressive. Their anxieties reflect their over-dependence on their partner for stability and reassuranceâto give their life definition and purpose.

Paradoxically this puts a strain on relationships and results in lower relationship satisfaction12.

And while this attachment style cuts a destructive path through the fabric of one’s most intimate connections, the dissolution of such a partnership does little to alleviate the condition. Anxiously attached individuals may react to breakups with angry protests, an all-consuming preoccupation with the former partner, a heightened sexual attraction to win the person back, and often by self-medicating with alcohol or drugs13.

Don’t Miss: Why Is My Social Anxiety So Bad

Anxiety And Relationships: How To Stop It Stealing The Magic

Intimate relationships are a mirror, reflecting the best and the worst of all of us. They can inflame our struggles or soothe them. When theyre right, they can feel like magic. Even when theyre completely right, anxiety can steal the magic and loosen the connection between two people who belong together. All relationships require trust, tenderness, patience and vulnerability. People with anxiety often have these by the truckload and will give them generously to the relationship. The problem is that anxiety can sometimes just as quickly erode them.

If youre someone who struggles with anxiety, there are plenty of things about you that would make loving you easy. All relationships struggle sometimes and when anxiety is at play, the struggles can be quite specific very normal, and specific.

Anxiety can work in curious ways, and it will impact different relationships differently, so not all of the following will be relevant for every relationship. Here are some ways to strengthen your relationship and protect it from the impact of anxiety:

Can You Overcome It

It might not feel like it in the moment, but relationship anxiety can be overcome, though it does take some time and effort. And doing so usually involves more than simply being told that your relationship is fine.

I can tell someone their anxiety doesnt necessarily mean theres an underlying problem in the relationship, and indeed they may be well loved, Robertson says. But until they have felt sense that all is well, that they truly are safe and secure, the anxiety will likely persist.

She encourages addressing relationship anxiety early, before it becomes a problem.

These tips can help you get the ball rolling:

Also Check: What Does Having Anxiety Feel Like

How Can You Cope With Your Anxiety And Nurture Your Relationships

Anxiety is not an easy thing to overcome and it may even be something you deal with throughout your life. However, there are still ways that you can maintain and nurture your relationships despite suffering from anxiety.

Lets focus on the three situations we mentioned earlier: being overly dependent, social isolation, and chronic tension. In each of these situations, you can learn to become aware of your behavior and develop methods of combating them.

If you find yourself becoming overly dependent, you can develop ways to cope with your anxiety on your own to help relieve the pressure from your loved ones. Thats not to say that you shouldnt ask them for help when you need it, but try to find ways that you can become more independent and manage your anxiety. You might also choose to resort to depending on a professional counselor who can provide ways for you to develop increased independence in healthy, personalized ways.

If you find that you tend to isolate yourself and often feel alone due to your anxiety, therapy could be a great solution for you. A mental health therapist can help treat your anxiety and help you find new ways to share your emotions with others and learn to let people in. They can also refer you to local support groups that can help you make connections with other people who are experiencing similar problems.