What Social Anxiety Feels Like
Those of us who have or have had social anxiety know that your day is filled with an extreme fear of being judged, rejected, or negatively evaluated. We fear and avoid anything that will trigger our social anxiety it drains the life out of you. We find it easier to simply avoid social interactions rather than having to deal with all the emotions that may arise leading up to, during, and after a social event.
Tip : Face Your Fears
One of the most helpful things you can do to overcome social anxiety is to face the social situations you fear rather than avoid them. Avoidance keeps social anxiety disorder going. While avoiding nerve-wracking situations may help you feel better in the short term, it prevents you from becoming more comfortable in social situations and learning how to cope in the long term. In fact, the more you avoid a feared social situation, the more frightening it becomes.
Avoidance can also prevent you from doing things youd like to do or reaching certain goals. For example, a fear of speaking up may prevent you from sharing your ideas at work, standing out in the classroom, or making new friends.
While it may seem impossible to overcome a feared social situation, you can do it by taking it one small step at a time. The key is to start with a situation that you can handle and gradually work your way up to more challenging situations, building your confidence and coping skills as you move up the anxiety ladder.
For example, if socializing with strangers makes you anxious, you might start by accompanying an outgoing friend to a party. Once youre comfortable with that step, you might try introducing yourself to one new person, and so on. To work your way up a social anxiety ladder:
Dont try to face your biggest fear right away. Its never a good idea to move too fast, take on too much, or force things. This may backfire and reinforce your anxiety.
Social Anxiety As An Internal Mirror Image
If you struggle with social anxiety, you may be projecting onto the outside world what you feel inside, perhaps partially or entirely unconsciously. Inside, you may feel the constellation of thoughts and feelings you notice in social settings:
Social anxiety can derive from many sources: early traumatic experiences, generalized anxiety expressing itself in particular ways, and a more sensitive disposition interacting with a highly stimulating world, among others.
- Anxious anticipation of socializing or being with people, about being judged or exposed, or just having to deal with awkward conversations.
- Heightened anxiety in a social setting, particularly if you feel what you anticipated youd feel: anxiety, feeling judged, awkwardness, and the feeling you dont belong.
- Often what goes along with this, even when things are going OK, is a running inner commentary of comparison: how everyone else is NOT anxious, just you. How everyone else is able to connect and has so much to say and is so articulate, just not you.
- Depending on how difficult it gets, you may want to run, but first have to devise the best escape route in order to not attract attention.
These thoughts and feelings may echo how you felt as a child in your family of origin. If so, you may have internalized them, and now replay them in social settings of one type or another.
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Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Among the different kinds of psychotherapy available, cognitive behavioral therapy which involves making changes to the way you think and feel about a situation, which, in turn, can help you modify your behavior is a helpful way to approach social anxiety. With social anxiety specifically, you want to identify patterns of thinking that cause you to avoid social situations like if a persons always expecting the worst outcome, or a person is fixated on the fact that someone might see them blushing, or sweating or stammering, says Dr. Potter. You want to help them learn to challenge those expectations and adopt more positive self-talk rather than negative self-talk.
Strike Up A Conversation
Do you shy away from talking to strangers? Do you avoid eye contact at the grocery store? Do you look at your feet in the elevator? Today, instead of doing what you normally do in those situations, try doing the opposite. Engage the other person in a bit of small talk, just for the sake of getting the practice and learning not to be afraid.
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Understanding The Three Types Of Social Anxiety Symptoms
What does anxiety feel like? The answer to this question will be different for each person, depending on what type of anxiety you experience.
There are several anxiety disorders that are recognized and each has its own unique cluster of symptoms. However, there are also some common threads that tie all anxiety disorders together.
There are also varying levels of anxiety. For example, a person with generalized anxiety disorder might live with a constant state of worry and anxiety, without ever experiencing a full-blown panic attack. Someone with panic disorder, on the other hand, might primarily have full-out panic episodes without that general underlying worry about daily matters.
Cognitive Symptoms Of Social Anxiety
The cognitive symptoms of social anxiety disorder are the thoughts that people with this problem have. People who are fearful in social and performance situations may think such things as Everyone thinks Im boring or People must notice how anxious I am. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is one of the primary treatment methods for social anxiety disorder. The goal of CBT is to change these negative patterns of thinking. Often these negative thoughts are the result of a core negative belief about yourself, for example, I am not worthy of having friends.
Jack has a lot of self-doubt and negative thoughts when it comes to how he handles social situations. His self-esteem is low and he tends to think everyone else has much better social skills than he does. In situations with new people, he constantly says negative things to himself like Everyone thinks Im boring, or They can all see my anxiety.
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Take A Test To See How You Feel
If youre unsure about the way you feel, take our anonymous online test to check whether your levels of stress, anxiety, or depression are within a healthy range, and see if one of our online courses could help.
What Causes Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety doesnt have one specific cause. It generally develops from a complex combination of a few different factors, like genes, personality, and early life experiences.
Research suggests that theres a genetic component to social anxiety disorder. There isnt a set selection of genes that have been shown to cause social anxiety. However, it does seem to run in families and having a family member with social anxiety increases your chance of having this disorder as well.
Peoples early life experiences also influence the development of social anxiety. Experiencing situations that impact your confidence at a young age can be a risk factor for social anxiety, like overly critical parenting, bullying, or being excluded from important social groups. However, social anxiety can also develop in people who didnt have any significant negative experiences growing up.
Personality factors also contribute to social anxiety. Social anxiety is more common in people who are naturally shy or introverted. Personality traits like being perfectionistic and self-critical, or being a worrier, can also lead to social anxiety.
How To Deal With Social Anxiety
What is CBT?
Signs Of Social Anxiety
Those with social anxiety will often engage in avoidant behavior. For example, they may avoid situations where they fear getting embarrassed. If a friend asks them to do something, they might say no out of the fear of making a fool out of themselves. Social anxiety can lead to missing out on important life events and even daily ventures such as attending work or school.
Some people who have social anxiety rely on external measures to help them cope with their social phobia. If a person with social anxiety goes to an event, they might drink so that they can relax and talk to other people. This is one of the many reasons that its important to get to the root cause of your social anxiety and talk to someone about it.
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Here Are Some Of My Favorite Social Anxiety Tools
Thanks for reading! I hope you found some helpful tips. Since this site is about social anxiety, I wanted to also share some tools I use that I hope youll find helpful. Some of these are affiliate links, so if you decide to try them, Ill earn a commission. However, I only recommend things I have used myself and would recommend to a friend or family member.
Online Therapy: For online therapy, I have personally used and like the service offered by Betterhelp. It’s easy to get started from the comfort of your home. You’ll even get a discount on your first month of therapy when you use my link.
Doctor Visits: For doctor visits, Web Doctors offers convenient online appointments.
Audible Subscription: I recommend a lot of self-help books on this site, but I actually prefer an audiobook subscription over print books! My favorite subscription service is Audible because it has all the best-sellers and they stay in your digital library forever . You can and listen to your first two books for free.
Social Anxiety Masterclass: The Social Anxiety Masterclass is my signature course where I walk you through everything I know about how to manage social anxiety. If you’re not ready to enroll in the course, be sure to to hear about special deals!
What Triggers Social Anxiety
Typically speaking, people with social anxiety can be triggered by any situation that involves interacting with other people. This could and often does include daily tasks like going to work, making a phone call, asking questions, or giving a presentation.
Its worth noting that people with social anxiety arent necessarily introverts, nor do they dislike people. Its not usually the people that trigger bouts of social anxiety. Most often, people with social anxiety disorder are concerned about being judged, humiliated, or scrutinized by others. In other words, its not so much the people as what the people may think and the possible outcomes of losing their esteem.
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Seeing A Medical Professional Or Doctor
Its vital to see your doctor if social anxiety is affecting your quality of life. Seeking treatment for social anxiety is vital so that your quality of life can improve and you can manage your mental health. Dont wait if social anxiety is making it hard for you to live your life to the fullest. You deserve to be social and not feel anxious on a regular basis. Your mental health matters.
Pareens career began in Behaviour Therapy, this is where she developed a passion for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy approaches. Following a Bachelor of Arts with a major in Psychology she pursued a Master of Counselling. Pareen is a Registered Clinical Counsellor with the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors. She specializes in CBT and Lifespan Integrations approaches to anxiety and trauma.
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Is Social Anxiety Treatable
Yes, social anxiety can be well-managed with the various treatment modalities available. The first step toward getting rid of this disorder is seeking help. It is alarming that fewer than five percent of people with social anxiety disorder seek treatment.
The doctor may treat any underlying health condition that may be causing anxiety symptoms. Generally, social anxiety is managed with psychotherapy, medications or a combination of both. The key to effective management of social anxiety is seeking timely treatment from a qualified health professional.
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What Does Social Anxiety Look Like
When faced with a feared social situation, people with social anxiety experience some of the following:
Negative thoughts
- People with social anxiety tend to have negative thoughts about themselves , as well as how others will react to them
- People with social anxiety also tend to focus their attention on themselves during social situations. They focus on their performance and how anxious they feel and look
- Examples: Im going to say something stupid Ill get anxious and others will notice They wont like me Others will think Im stupid Ill offend someone or No one will talk to me
Physical symptoms
- People with social anxiety are often very concerned about visible signs of anxiety, such as blushing or trembling.
- Examples: racing heart, upset stomach, shaking, choking sensations, sweating, blushing, trembling, dry mouth, shortness of breath, nausea, dizziness, lightheadedness, blurred vision, urge to urinate, etc.
Avoidance and safety behaviors
- People with social anxiety will often try to avoid or escape social situations. If they do go into social situations, they tend to do things to feel less anxious or to protect themselves from embarrassment or negative evaluation .
- Examples: Avoiding , escaping a scary social situation or engaging in protective behaviours to try and stay safe .
Welcome To The World Of The Socially Anxious
Social anxiety is the third largest psychological problem in the United States today. This type of anxiety affects 15 million Americans in any given year. Social anxiety disorder is not endemic to the U.S., it is a worldwide, culturally inclusive disorder. Unlike some other psychological problems, social anxiety is not well understood by the general public or by medical and mental health care professionals, such as doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, social workers, and counselors.
In fact, people with social anxiety are misdiagnosed almost 90% of the time. People coming to The Social Anxiety Institute with diagnosable DSM-IV social anxiety disorder have been mislabeled “schizophrenic”, “manic-depressive”, “clinically depressed”, “panic disordered”, and “personality disordered”, among other misdiagnoses.
Because few socially-anxious people have heard of their own problem, and have never seen it discussed on any of the television talk shows, they think they are the only ones in the whole world who have these terrible . Therefore, they must keep quiet about them.
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What Is It Like To Live With Social Anxiety
By Thomas A. Richards, Ph.D.,
Psychologist/Director, Social Anxiety Institute
All day, every day, life is like this. Fear. Apprehension. Avoidance. Pain. Anxiety about what you said. Fear that you said something wrong. Worry about others’ disapproval. Afraid of rejection, of not fitting in. Anxious to enter a conversation, afraid you’ll have nothing to talk about. Hiding what’s wrong with you deep inside, putting up a defensive wall to protect your “secret”. You are undergoing the daily, chronic trouble of living with this mental disorder we call social anxiety disorder.
Very few people understand the agonizing and traumatic depth of social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety makes people go inside themselves and try to “protect” this secret. Most people with social anxiety disorder try to hide it from others, especially from family and loved ones. There is fear that family members may find out they suffer from social anxiety, and then view them differently or outright reject them. This is almost never true, but the fear of this happening makes many people with social anxiety stay in their dark closet.
*If you are seeking treatment for social anxiety, *