Form Your Clear Intention
When you think about stage fright you often think about anxiety or nerves, but often the precursor to nerves is confusion or chaos. When our thoughts are scattered, when we are rushing around, when we dont feel centered, its almost impossible to feel confident. And often, right before a performance or a big meeting, this can lead to stage fright.
So, the first thing Dr. Greene tells us to do is pick one clear intention. What is your goal? What is your hope? What do you want to achieve with what you are about to do? This intention should wipe away any and all other thoughts. Your intention is what you should think about while you are getting ready, driving or pumping yourself up for your big moment. A great intention is something simple. For example, if you are going into a negotiation, it might be, Get the buyer to sign and stay firm on numbers. If you are going into an audition, it might be Play my heart out and hit all the right notes.
Special Note: The most important thing about a good intention is to keep it positive. Dont use words such as dont or no. So, instead of dont mess up say, stay confident.
Too many people psych themselves out before performances by stressing out about making sure they wont make mistakes. This is horrible for performance. Studies have found that the more you focus on not making mistakes or otherwise embarrassing yourself, the more likely you are to crack under pressure and do just that.
Try Taking Penetrative Sex Off The Table
Take the pressure off yourself and try taking penetrative sex off the table. Try other means of intimate sex instead. This might elevate the pressure to âperformâ. Focusing more so on the sensual part of sex could be a much-needed reprieve. If penetrative sex is off the table, try other ways of enjoying your partner. Try focusing on more sensual things like:
- Mega make out kissing
- Cuddle on the couch
- Dance with each other
This could help you, in the long run, to become more comfortable with your partner and yourself.
Talk To Someone Friendly
Another very effective technique is to talk to someone you like and trust, especially on the phone. Don’t be shy about your anxiety – tell them you feel anxious and explain what you’re feeling.
Talking to nice, empathetic people keeps your mind off of your symptoms, and the supportive nature of friends and family gives you an added boost of confidence. If you’re suffering from a panic attack, it also helps you feel more confident that if something were wrong, you’d have someone that can watch over you.
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What Causes Performance Anxiety
In a nutshell, negative thoughts and pessimistic thinking patterns are the root cause of performance anxiety.
Any situation in which you want to perform at your very best yet worry youll fall short can cause this.
Situations as simple as trying to parallel park while your friends watch can trigger the feelings of potentially looking inadequate to your peers. Even famous athletes get performance anxiety. Many people refer to this as choking under pressure.
Oftentimes, were fully capable of completing the task, i.e., weve studied for months for a test, weve rehearsed our lines dozens of times, or weve played hundreds of basketball games leading up to this moment, yet our excessive worry that somehow we will fail becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy and actually can affect our performance in the moment.
Sweaty palms, shakiness, increased heart rate, rapid breathing, and dry throat are all symptoms of performance anxiety that can greatly distract us from doing our best.
Dont Compare Yourself To Others
Sex can be fantastic, but there is a difference between fantasy and reality.
Licensed psychotherapist Vanessa Marin told Mens Health its important to manage your expectations when it comes to sex. Ask yourself: What, exactly, do you think performance means? What do you expect of yourself in the bedroom?
Then, Marin says, make sure your expectations are reasonable. Would you tell your best friend that he needed to live up to those same expectations? Would you expect the same things out of your partners?
Your love life and your sexual performance can be amazing without attempting to make everything perfect.
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How Can You Get Over Performance Anxiety
Like other forms of anxiety, you can get counselling or therapy to help manage it. You can get cognitive behavioural therapy , or other types of therapy on the NHS.
As well as counselling or therapy, there are some other lifestyle changes or techniques you could try to improve your performance anxiety, including:
- Use meditation and mindfulness exercises
- Get rid of stress factors in your work and life
- Change your negative thought patterns with cognitive behavioural therapy
- Avoid rushing sex
- Discuss your worries and anxiety concerns with your partner
- Try sex therapy to work through performance and intimacy issues
- Learn more about sex and sexual behaviours
- Go to couples counselling to help with relationship problems
- Try talking therapy to manage stress and other life challenges
If you need help or someone to talk to, Relate are an organisation the NHS recommend to help you handle sex and relationship issues.
How To Get Over Sexual Performance Anxiety
While it would be great to have some quick fix for sexual performance anxiety, like all forms of anxiety it is a long term process. Everyone can overcome these issues, but it takes work, dedication, and smart decisions. The following represent some important strategies for overcoming this anxiety:
Finally, you’ll absolutely need to control your overall anxiety. Those that have anxiety are far more prone to experiencing anxiety in the bedroom, and no amount of practice is going to take that way.
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How To Manage Performance Anxiety
Overcoming performance anxiety can seem overwhelming, but there many different ways to treat this disorder. Its always best to see a doctor first to make sure there are no underlying medical conditions that could be causing performance issues. This is especially true if you often deal with ED or .
Certain medical conditions and medications can lead to sexual dysfunctions, like the inability to maintain an erection. These include high blood pressure and medications, smoking, alcohol use, kidney problems, and beta-blockers. There are several different medical treatments available to men who have sexual dysfunction.
Once your doctor rules out health issues, you can approach performance anxiety by dealing with the issues of the mind. Here are a few ways to relieve the mental and physical symptoms of performance anxiety.
When To Consider Seeing A Doctor
The male performance anxiety solutions listed above will help most people with anxiety or erectile dysfunction. However, for some people, they may not work. In these instances, you may need to consult your doctor.
The performance anxiety may also increase in some people even when the male performance anxiety solutions are followed to the letter. In other men, the symptoms may occur more frequently as compared to before. These people also require to see a doctor.
In these cases, the doctor will either perform a physical exam or do a blood test. These tests will show if there are underlying causes for the poor performance in bed.
For others, male performance anxiety will be diagnosed by administering a questionnaire to determine the mental health for conditions such as depression and stress levels. The doctor will recommend solutions that will reduce these mental problems.
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Learn How To Manage Your Anxious Thoughts
Anxiety doesn’t come out of the blue. When you have anxiety attacks, it’s often because your mind tends to spiral into negative thoughts – often without your control. Sometimes you can control this anxiety by keeping these thoughts at bay and learning to dismiss triggers that cause you anxiety.
For many, this is easier said than done. But there are many different strategies you can try that may be effective. These include:
A Question Checklist
When you feel anxious, have a checklist on hand of questions to ask yourself about that anxiety experience. The longer the checklist, the more you’ll find that your thoughts become more realistic. Questions that you can use include:
- Is there a reason to believe something is wrong?
- What evidence is there that something is wrong?
- Is there a chance I’m blowing this out of proportion?
Affirmations
Affirmations not for everyone, but those that do use them find them to be very beneficial. Affirmations are things that you say to yourself to make yourself feel better. These include:
- I’m okay. This is just anxiety and I will get passed this .
- I have a great life and I’m looking forward to tomorrow.
- My anxiety won’t control me.
Getting Used to Physical Symptoms
The latter is known as “exposure therapy” and there are countless ways to create exercises that will habituate you to your panic attack triggers.
How To Stop Feeling Nervous Before An Exam
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How to Stop Feeling Nervous before an Exam?
Almost all of us feel nervous before an exam. We all experience at least some amount of fear when our exam dates arrive. Some amount of stress is even good for our performance. Stress is a problem when it interferes with our preparation. When we cannot perform well due to stress, it leads to nervousness. In this article, we find out about how to stop feeling nervous before an exam. This article covers tips to stop freaking out about exams.
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General Relationship Problems With Your Partner
Even for guys with the most active sex lives, intercourse itself makes up only a tiny fraction of the daily interactions they have with their lover.
Theres a heck of a lot more to a relationship than sex, and the overall quality of your relationship has important implications for your sex life.
Indeed, a poor relationship outside the bedroom can increase performance anxiety between the sheets.
Men who have trouble communicating openly and honestly with their significant other often fall into this category.
Break Your Performance Down Into Things You Can Control Ie Set Process Goals
Break your performance down into controllables that you know for certain that youll be able to do. The outcome will always be uncertain and not completely within your control, so shift your focus away from it and towards your performance process. What will you focus on in each moment on the course? How will you behave in different situations? Have a plan for it and create a mental game scorecard to hold yourself accountable to it.
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Channel Nervous Energy Through Body Movement
Think of the adrenaline your body gives you before a physical activity or competition. That adrenaline gives you the energy you need to perform. In sports, were trained to think of this as a good thing. Why are we trained to think this is bad in a business setting? Use it for good! If you need a more physical way to channel your energy, move around a bit onstage.
A slow, steady walk across the stage can set a rhythm that will slow down your thinking, set the speed of your speech, and reduce the confusion that often leads to stuttering. Make sure youre not pacing constantly or quickly, however, as that will distract your audience. You can also channel that energy by using purposeful gestures that are varied and congruent with your content. Try not to use the same repetitive movements because that can distract your audience. Listeners will appreciate that you shared that great energy through natural, smooth movements and probably wont even notice your nerves.
Treat Any Underlying Sexual Dysfunction
Treating any underlying sexual conditions like erectile dysfunction or might relieve you of some stress during sex. Getting these conditions treated and managed can help boost your confidence and enhance your sex life. Much of sexual performance anxiety stems from the fear of potential sexual dysfunction. If you think you might have an issue with erectile function, talk to your doctor about treatment options. You donât need to suffer in silence and hope you can enjoy your next sexual encounter. If you do have an erectile condition, remember itâs a very treatable condition.
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Chapter : How To Stop Freaking Out About Exams
While there are many measures that can help stop feeling nervous before an exam. Some handy tips that can be used on how to stop freaking about exams:
Remember That The Audience Is On Your Side
Think about it:
The audience have come along to enjoy themselves.
Theyre not secretly hoping for a poor performance just so that they can criticise the flaws later.
Theyre cheering you on. They want you to produce the goods.
In short, theyre on your side.
And this means that theyll actively latch on to all the best moments in the music. They savour them in the moment and then file them away for the pleasure of reviewing them later on.
Simultaneously, their minds filter out as many of the less-polished moments as possible. Theyre not interested in dwelling on those either now or in the future.
You might be tempted to think that the audience will be judging you.
Resist that temptation.
Remember that theyll applaud your successes and forgive you any slips.
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How To Cope With Sexual Performace Anxiety
The first step to coping with sexual performance anxiety is removing any shame you might be feeling about not having an optimal sex life. In some instances, sexual performance anxiety goes away with time, especially in situations caused by having a new sexual partner or where a relationship issue with your partner has been resolved.
People with sexual performance anxiety often operate under the false belief that they are somehow inadequate or incapable of satisfying their partners. Focusing more on your enjoyment and that of your partner instead of how adequate your performance is can help you overcome your anxiety.
Here are some other tips that can help you overcome SPA:
Causes Of Sexual Performance Anxiety For Men
For men, sexual performance anxiety can come from a number of avenues. It could be something as small as reading an article about modern day sexual practices and thinking youre not doing it right, to changes in your body as you grow older.
Other causes of sexual performance anxiety for men include:
- Alcohol, smoking, illegal drugs and some prescription medicines
- Recovery from illness or surgery
- Stress and anxiety
So its worth bearing in mind if you know any of these might be an issue. In some circumstances, erectile problems can be the first symptom of other medical conditions, so its best to get checked out by your GP to establish whether there is an underlying cause.
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Try A Meditation Practice
This might sound like some new-age hippie idea, but mindfulness meditation practices have been proven to improve anxiety and reduce stress and improve situational erectile dysfunction. In a 2018 study, researchers found great promise in the use of mindfulness meditation for the treatment of situational erectile dysfunction. This suggests meditation may provide tools to deal with the performance anxiety response in a brand new way.
The most useful takeaways from using a mediation practice for sexual performance anxiety is the learned ability to take yourself out of your worried mind and into your physical body.
To become more aware of what you are feeling physically and less aware of future-based worries. When you learn to do this, the anxious thoughts donât have the chance to build up into an anxious frenzy. This is because youâve had the thought, but instead of operating from that thought, youâve anchored your mind elsewhere. Anxiety is future-oriented. A perfect match for meditation, which can work the muscle that encourages us to step out of the perceived future and into the present moment.
Where Does Performance Anxiety Come From
Performance anxiety often starts small and grows. Its generally psychological, where you start to overthink your sexual experiences.
Did I last long enough?
Did I make my partner happy?
What did my partner think about that one thing that I did?
Was I good?
The more you ask yourself these questions, the more anxiety youll get. These constant thoughts can affect your ability to have enjoyable sex in the future. Youre too busy thinking about what could go wrong or your partners judgment than focusing on the fun and pleasure of the moment.
But these thoughts are coming from somewhere so what can spur these anxieties?
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