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How To Love Someone With Anxiety And Depression

Unhealthy Ways To Express Anger

How to Love Someone with Anxiety

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive persons way of showing their anger. Its not very productive but extremely common.


Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it cant really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. Its not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. Its healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this wont serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time its a no-win situation.

They Can Communicate How They Feel

Having anxiety does not mean that they are incapable of expressing or communicating. They still like to talk and they still like to speak for themselves. They will tell you how they feel.

Often when people think someone with anxiety, or really any problem whatsoever, cant or wont communicate its because theyre choosing not to, and its usually because the other party has been entirely dismissive the last time they opened up. So next time when you think theyre incapable of speaking for themselves, bite your tongue and give them the opportunity to actually speak. Then take the time to listen.

What It Means To Love Someone With Depression And Anxiety

Lasting love has no boundaries or limitations. It seeks no reward for thriving in the imperfect nature of humanity, that which makes all of our personal connections so vastly unique. Real love triumphs over the most dangerous of evils those that exist inside each and every one of us.

The intricacies of who are intertwine with those we pull deeply into our lives. Our strengths and weaknesses lie naked and vulnerable to the people we love enough to show them to. Falling in love is letting go. It’s understanding that you’re worthy of being loved for the totality of who you are and capable of loving another in that same way.

Mental illness is unique. It manifests itself in a multitude of ways. It plays no favorites, chooses no sides and runs from no one. It lives inside some of the people we all love. Throughout their lives, they’ve attacked it, tried to reason with it and searched tirelessly for freedom from the moments it has plagued. They’ve sought out love and found that some pieces of who they are cannot be understood or accepted. They’ve had moments of invigorating, phenomenal joy and also moments of dark and unexplainable despair. They’ve endured fear invisible to those around them. They’ve learned to cope, control and live. They’ve climbed mountains no one knew existed. And most importantly, they’ve discovered love in you, even with a mind that so relentlessly tries to convince them otherwise.

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Anxiety Can Actually Deepen Your Relationship

Anxiety isnt only a source of stress in a relationship. Its also an opportunity to understand and love your partner more deeply. The beliefs behind their anxiety is a part of who they are.

By learning about anxiety or seeking help from a mental health professional, you can support your partner and look out for your own mental health. Then your relationship can become stronger and more full of joy.

Talkspace articles are written by experienced mental health-wellness contributors they are grounded in scientific research and evidence-based practices. Articles are extensively reviewed by our team of clinical experts to ensure content is accurate and on par with current industry standards.

Our goal at Talkspace is to provide the most up-to-date, valuable, and objective information on mental health-related topics in order to help readers make informed decisions.

Articles contain trusted third-party sources that are either directly linked to in the text or listed at the bottom to take readers directly to the source.

When In Crisis Its Difficult To Think Straight And Make Rational Decisions

Truth Is Im Scared Of Having Someone Love Me I Just

Everyone has their own set of coping mechanisms to maintain emotional balance, especially when under stress. And, depending on the level of stress, if these strategies fail, we attempt new ways to cope.

When anxious, depressed, or under extreme stress, your thoughts, emotions, or physical sensations can be so overwhelming it causes previously effective coping mechanisms to fail. This coping crisis can lead to confusion or more stress, making it impossible to think straight through the experience. Extreme stress, anxiety, or depression can alter your perception and memory, resulting in ineffective decisions or behaviors choices.

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Depressed People May Not Want As Often As We Used To

A depressed lover may need less because he or she has a low drive, or your “blue” mate may seek out more to fulfill washing away that sad and dull feeling courtesy of depression. The former scenario is more common than the latter, but quite a few depressed lovers seek as therapeutic and will want a lot of touch and foreplay.

This is fine as long as the person isn’t seeking it outside of the relationship or to avoid dealing with uncomfortable feelings like an addiction.

On the flip side, if your depressed partner doesn’t want to have this can be very hard on you. Talk to your partner openly about this and pay attention to your despondent lover’s bedroom habits.

What Are The Sweetest Words You Can Whisper In Your Anxious Or Depressed Lovers Ear

They may be called sweet nothings, but the following words could mean everything to someone experiencing anxiety or depression.

  • Youre not alone.
  • Im not going anywhere.
  • Ill always be here for you.
  • Im not mad at you.
  • These thoughts and feelings are temporary.
  • Its not your fault that youre not feeling well.
  • Its okay to feel that way.
  • I dont understand everything youre feeling, but Im here for you.
  • What can I do to help you?
  • I love you I love you I love you.

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The 7 Most Important Things To Know When You Love Someone With Depression

Depression might just be one of the worst things ever because it’s as if you’re sinking no matter how hard you try to swim to the surface. It’s as if you’re bound and gagged and no matter what knife you use to slice the bounds, you can’t.

I’m what they call a bubbly, effervescent woman, but I’ve experienced depression in my life. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 14.8 million American adults have Major Depressive Disorder per year. That’s a lot of people.

When you love someone with depression, your relationship may not always be easy. Loving someone who is dealing with depression takes work.

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How to Help Someone With Depression or Anxiety

Depression is devastating. When someone is experiencing depression, their entire life is blown apart. It can be a massive struggle just to make it through each day. But they aren’t the only ones who struggle.

Often forgotten are the loved ones of a person with depression. No-one tells them how to cope. They don’t know what to do. I would like to try and offer some advice to those people.

Knowing somebody you love is struggling with depression leaves you feeling incredibly helpless. You feel if you could say the right thing, or do something special, that maybe you will be able to help them to get better. But you don’t know what to say or what to do.

You try a gentle approach, you try a firm approach. You give them space, you try to get them to open up. You suggest things that can help. You buy them presents. You say encouraging things, you get frustrated and argue. Yet nothing you do seems to make any difference.

From my experience, the big mistake that people often make is that they treat depression as a mood, as if saying or doing the right thing will lift the depression. What you must remember is that depression isn’t a mood – it’s a very debilitating illness.

That is EXACTLY what depression is like.

Just because you can’t see an injury doesn’t mean that it isn’t debilitating. After my worst bout of depression, it took months before I felt I could do my job properly. Even now, two years on, I’m not the same as I was.

This is the WRONG approach.

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A Depressed Person Can Be Selfish Sometimes

On the flip side, your great listener/depressed partner can sometimes be selfish. He or she doesn’t mean to be, but depression has this nasty way of making you feel as if it’s just you locked in your own world, with your own morbid thoughts.

It’s hard to see someone else’s perspective when trapped in your insular world of depression.

No matter how sad or blue your partner is today, once you understand how people with depression love differently, be a supportive partner and see the value in your lover’s life experiences. And chances are, this depression too shall pass.

Understanding Anxiety And What It Is Doing To Your Partner

Learning some basic facts about anxiety will help you better understand and support your partner. Psychologist Dave Carbonell, Ph.D. and therapist Dr. Helen Odessky, among other mental health professionals, recommended you keep these ones in mind:

  • Anxiety is a real problem, not something made up. It is a mental health issue.
  • Anxiety is normal. Everyone has it. It only becomes an issue or disorder if it is severe.
  • Anxiety can be a debilitating illness that prevents people from functioning and living a normal life.
  • Anxiety makes people experience fight-or-flight reactions and stress to issues that are not life-threatening, including worrying about whether a partner will cheat or leave.
  • You cannot fix or cure anxiety.
  • Most people who have anxiety wish they didnt have it. They worry about their anxiety being a burden to others.
  • There are millions of people who, despite dealing with anxiety, have great relationships and are happy.
  • Symptoms of anxiety can occur in waves, consistently or both. People with anxiety disorders or issues can have periods of time when they dont experience symptoms.
  • Anxiety is not logical or rational. It causes people to worry about something despite there being no evidence to suggest it is worth worrying about. It also causes them to sometimes act irrationally. Your partner most likely knows this.
  • Anxiety is not a weakness.
  • Anxiety is treatable. Psychotherapy can relieve symptoms and teach people how to better cope with it.

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Learn More About Depression

Youve probably encountered quite a few myths about depression. Learning to distinguish myth from reality can make a big difference in how you show up for your partner.

Some people describe depression as heavy fog or a blanket of nothingness. Others say it feels like drowning. Many people feel so overtaken by dullness, apathy, and hopelessness that they struggle to recall more positive states.

Good vibes and happy thoughts wont chase these feelings away, just like imagining yourself free of congestion wont get rid of a cold.

You can offer better support when you have a more accurate understanding of how depression affects your partner. Doing some research is a great way to expand your knowledge without putting the burden of education on your partner.

Since depression affects people in different ways, ask about their experience once you have a handle on the basic facts.

Try, Could you tell me more about how youre feeling today? Listen actively to what they have to say, offering empathy and validation instead of advice.

Dont be afraid to ask if they think about suicide. Some people feel afraid to share suicidal thoughts with loved ones. By asking, youre letting them know they can be honest. If they dont think about suicide, they wont suddenly start just because you mentioned the topic.

Seek Mental Health Support

Depression, Anxiety and I â two poems â My Loud Whispers ...

If youre confused about this illness and want to understand your partner more, the best step at this point is to consult with a mental health professional. Let Kentucky Counseling Center help you. After talking to a therapist at KCC, maybe Individual Therapy or Couples Therapy, you can come out of this stronger and happier.

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How It All Started

The summer before my senior year of college I began experiencing hot flashes and random episodes of dizziness . During those moments I felt out of control and I was convinced I was having a heart attack or symptoms of some serious physical illness. The more they happened, the more I feared them happening again. I was in a constant state of nervous anticipation. With my moms encouragement, I hesitantly agreed to see a therapist and was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder . Up until then, I had little knowledge of mental health conditions and no idea what life looked like for someone who lived with one. My normalrevolved around college life. I focused solely on the external. Until that day at the end of the summer I had never turned my focus inward never thought about how I was feeling. My diagnosis marked the beginning of a different realm of life for me. It was as if I had been snapped awakefinally feeling everything my mind had been stuffing down for many years.

Be An Open Minded Listener

One of the greatest gifts you can give to someone who experiences anxiety is a kind, listening ear. Managing an anxiety disorder can be isolating and humiliating.

Having someone who you can talk to honestly about what you are experiencing and your feelings can be really positive and soothing, especially if that person is able to listen without judgment and with empathy.

As a listener, remember that it’s important simply to be there for them, and not to offer suggestions, advice, or try to “solve” or “fix” anything for them.

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