What Shyness Looks & Feels Like
Characteristics of shyness, which include passiveness and limited eye contact, can be mistaken for insecurity, anxiety, or depression but shyness isnt necessarily a negative. While some people have a stronger inclination toward shyness, its fairly typical to feel uncertain in new situations. The trait often emerges in childhood some grow out of it and others find their shyness dissipates as they get more comfortable in certain social situations.
Instead Of Speaking Ask Questions
Another source of social anxiety for me is the fear of not having a lot to say. Because I tend to be shy, I find it hard to express myself or even believe that people actually want to hear what I have to say.
Its a big step to change this anxious thinking, so heres a little hack that has been really powerful for me:
Instead of speaking, ask questions.
Just to get the conversation going, take on the role of being super curious. This way, you dont have to worry about saying something wrong or not having enough words. When you ask questions, make sure to delve deeper. Dont simply inquire about the surface of events, but ask them how they feel about it or what they think.
Tips For Overcoming Shyness
Most of us have witnessed it the guy standing alone minding his own business in the corner while the party rages, or the girl who has difficulty asking the guy she likes to dance. They could know these people and still have hesitation in moving forward in their social interactions. Add the factor of the shy person not knowing someone, and it could feel like its torture to them.
Before we discuss ways to overcome shyness, its necessary to gain an understanding of the reasons a person might be shy.
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The Definition Reality Of Social Anxiety Disorder
Occasionally someone will ask me what its like to have social anxiety. Well, heres how the psychology professors describe it:
Social anxiety is the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. You could say social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being negatively judged and evaluated by other people. It is a pervasive disorder and causes anxiety and fear in most all areas of a persons life. It is chronic because it does not go away on its own.
You know the problem with this definition? It doesnt capture the REALITY of how bad having social anxiety really is. I still remember my darkest days vividly, heres just one small example
Imagine this
Youre taking an innocent walk in the park. Its a beautiful day. Youre really enjoying yourself. The grass is green, the birds are singing and life feels great.
Suddenly, you see some people walking towards you in the distance. Your heart skips a beat. You start to freak out inside. You try to figure out if its someone you know. Immediately you want to turn around and avoid these people, but theyve already seen you. It would look weird.
So you keep walking towards them.
Its a couple of cute girls and theyre getting closer.
At this point Id be thinking something like SH*T SH*T SH*T SH*T!
At least until the next person walks by.
In this article Im going to give an overview of the different common treatment options available for you, and which ones are the best in my opinion.
Visualize What You Want
What exactly do you want? If you haven’t defined this for yourself, then you don’t know where you are headed or how to get there. Do you want more friends, a better job, or simply not to feel anxious all the time? Visualize having those things that you want this will help motivate you to do what needs to be done to get out of a rut.
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Try A Self Help Manual
A self-help manual may not always be everyone’s first choice, but they can be a massive help. If you are self-driven, it is a great way to independently learn and practice self-help techniques, you also get to do this at your own pace.
You dont have to answer to anyone and can take things in your own time. This is very helpful, especially if you are the sort of person who likes to create goals and projects for themselves, you can do this through what you learn and in your own time, start to put what you have learned into practice.
How To Reduce Negative Thoughts
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Be Accountable To Someone
You may stay in your rut forever if nobody knows you are trying to move past your social anxiety and you are not accountable to anyone. Choose someone you trust , and tell them about your plans to make changes in your life.
This works very much like having an exercise partner the other person keeps you honest and keeps you from giving up when the road seems to hard and long.
Tip : Focus On Others Not Yourself
When were in a social situation that makes us nervous, many of us tend to get caught up in our anxious thoughts and feelings. You may be convinced that everyone is looking at you and judging you. Your focus is on your bodily sensations, hoping that by paying extra close attention you can better control them. But this excessive self-focus just makes you more aware of how nervous youre feeling, triggering even more anxiety! It also prevents you from fully concentrating on the conversations around you or the performance youre giving.
Switching from an internal to an external focus can go a long way toward reducing social anxiety. This is easier said than done, but you cant pay attention to two things at once. The more you concentrate on whats happening around you, the less youll be affected by anxiety.
Focus your attention on other people, but not on what theyre thinking of you! Instead, do your best to engage them and make a genuine connection.
Remember that anxiety isnt as visible as you think. And even if someone notices that youre nervous, that doesnt mean theyll think badly of you. Chances are other people are feeling just as nervous as youor have done in the past.
Really listen to what is being said not to your own negative thoughts.
Focus on the present moment, rather than worrying about what youre going to say or beating yourself up for a flub thats already passed.
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What Is It Like Having Social Anxiety Disorder
In school, I was always afraid of being called on, even when I knew the answers. I didnt want people to think I was stupid or boring. My heart would pound and I would feel dizzy and sick. When I got a job, I hated to meet with my boss or talk in a meeting. I couldnt attend my best friends wedding reception because I was afraid of having to meet new people. I tried to calm myself by drinking several glasses of wine before an event and then I started drinking every day to try to face what I had to do.
I finally talked to my doctor because I was tired of feeling this way and I was worried that I would lose my job. I now take medicine and meet with a counselor to talk about ways to cope with my fears. I refuse to use alcohol to escape my fears and Im on my way to feeling better.
Start Staying Hi To A Neighbor
Do you scurry for your door every time your neighbor appears? Next time, try to make a concerted effort to say hello, wave, and be friendly. Although this might feel out of character and anxiety-provoking at first, over time this new habit will become second nature.
If you are feeling really bold, try a behavioral experiment: Invite your neighbor over for coffee at a time when she is clearly busy. Seek out rejection and learn that it is not so bad! At some point down the road, you might even find you have made a friend out of a neighbor.
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Try An Herbal Supplement
If you really feel like trying something medicinal, but aren’t yet ready to broach the topic of medication with your doctor or psychiatrist, consider trying an herbal supplement from your drug store.
There are many herbal supplements that are used in managing anxiety however, it is important to know that herbal supplements are not regulated by the United States Food & Drug Administration the same way that traditional medications are evaluated. Be sure to read about any cautions, warnings or medication interactions before taking an herbal supplement.
Make An Effort To Be More Social
Another effective way to overcome shyness or social anxiety is to face your fears head-on. If you can challenge your fears, you are effectively putting your techniques that you have learned into practice. This will help you to push your boundaries, in a positive way.
Putting yourself in more social situations may seem very worrying at first, however it is normal to feel slightly anxious, to begin with. Once you have overcome your initial fears and have stayed in your social situation, you will start to realize that anxiety is not as noticeable as you may think, and you are also helping yourself by putting what you have learned into practice.
Doing this will help you to overcome your social anxiety and shyness by facing it head on and using what you have learned to tackle your fears.
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How To Overcome Shyness
This article was co-authored by Christina Jay, NLP. Christina Jay is a Matchmaker and Certified Life Coach based in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Christina is the founder of Preferred Match , her matchmaking service that finds love for successful and elite individuals. She has over 10 years of coaching experience, earned her NLP certification through NLP Canada Training, and has a BA in Business Administration from Brock University.There are 15 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 42 testimonials and 88% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 2,182,858 times.
Are you shy? If so, you are far from alone. Many people in the world suffer from mild to extreme shyness and are struggling to overcome it. To overcome shyness, you’ll need to understand the circumstances that trigger your shyness, work to change your mental state and perspective regarding those circumstances, and practice putting yourself in comfortable and uncomfortable situations until you’ve worked through the worries holding you back. Remember that breaking out of your shell doesn’t magically happen overnight. It takes time, effort, and of course, the desire to change.
Socially Interacting With Co
Step 1: Say hello to your co-workers.
Step 2: Ask a co-worker a work-related question.
Step 3: Ask a co-worker what they did over the weekend.
Step 4: Sit in the break room with co-workers during your coffee break.
Step 5: Eat lunch in the break room with your co-workers.
Step 6: Eat lunch in the break room and make small talk with one or more of your coworkers, such as talking about the weather, sports, or current events.
Step 7: Ask a co-worker to go for a coffee or drink after work.
Step 8: Go out for lunch with a group of co-workers.
Step 9: Share personal information about yourself with one or more co-workers.
Step 10: Attend a staff party with your co-workers.
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Social Anxiety Disorder: More Than Just Shyness
Are you extremely afraid of being judged by others?
Are you very self-conscious in everyday social situations?
Do you avoid meeting new people?
If you have been feeling this way for at least six months and these feelings make it hard for you to do everyday taskssuch as talking to people at work or schoolyou may have a social anxiety disorder.
Social anxiety disorder is a mental health condition. It is an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others. This fear can affect work, school, and your other day-to-day activities. It can even make it hard to make and keep friends. But social anxiety disorder doesnt have to stop you from reaching your potential. Treatment can help you overcome your symptoms.
How To Overcome Shyness And Social Anxiety
Ever wonder how you can overcome your struggle with shyness, anxiety and fear, and live a life of confidence?
I used to struggle massively with shyness. That was the biggest problem of my life all throughout high school and during my early 20’s as well.
It may feel like youre the only one, but the truth is that lots of people struggle with shyness and social anxiety.
Breaking out of your shell doesn’t magically happen overnight. It takes time, effort, and the desire to change. You’re on the right track just by reading this post.
You need to understand that, in order to feel more confident and secure in your interactions with others, you’ve got to put yourself out there. You’ve got to confront and face your fear, even if its just taking a baby step. I promise you that the results will pay off.
Watch the video below:
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What Causes Social Anxiety And Shyness
Although we do not know the exact cause of social anxiety and shyness, we do know the factors that contribute to it. One of which can be your genetics, and also your environment.
However, a very common cause of social anxiety is a negative experience that could have happened to someone. For example, bullying the pain and negativity from this experience can sometimes stick with people.
The anxiety can possibly carry on through to adult life, causing fears of social situations and fears of being rejected or judged etc. It’s even known that some hormone imbalances such as serotonin imbalance can contribute to social anxiety.
Now you know the causes of shyness, you can move forward and learn how to overcome social anxiety.