Alexander And The Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day By Judith Viorst
Reading books together is an enjoyable activity that allows everyone a chance to share what theyre thinking.
Eye contact can be a powerful interaction between adults and children. Some children are intimidated when adults speak to them from so high up. Some children will respond better if you can bring yourself down to their eye level.
When annoying or irritating behaviors surface, such as whining or tantrums, ignore it if you can, as long as the behavior isnt dangerous.
Try to remember that children dont like to be shamed or embarrassed any more than adults do. When speaking to them about poor choices theyve made, its helpful to encourage two-way interactions. Its okay to be direct about the type of mistakes they made but do it in ways that help them preserve some sense of self-dignity and let them have a little input too.
Give them lots of kudos for respectful dialogue, behavior, and problem-solving. These behaviors might just come back to them at a meaningful time in their lives.
Remind yourself that kids are still learning about life. Theyre bound to test the waters and make mistakes.
If youre still struggling to keep your anger under control around children and youre open to working with a therapist, the staff at BetterHelp is standing by to match you with a therapist that can help you meet your goals. Its never too late to prevent the psychological effects of yelling at a child.
How To Quit Yelling At Your Kid
Parenting is a tough job. Apart from bathing, feeding, nourishing, and caring, parents also need to discipline the kid. And that is the trickiest part. In most Indian families, parents yell or spank the kid to teach a lesson. But researchers are saying that yelling at your kid is the worst idea ever. Though yelling may quiet the child, it does not help correct their behavior rather it makes them feel insecure in their own home. In this blog, I will be sharing the dark and deep impact of yelling on a childs psychology and ways to quit yelling at your kid!
Childhood Can Be A Terrifying Ordeal: Identifying Causes Of Anxiety In Children
While fear and anxiety are natural in many cases, intense anxiety should never be natural. Fear is caused by something right in front of us while anxiety is defined as uneasiness, nervousness, worry, dread, or fear of whats about to happen or what could potentially happen. Yes, childhood can definitely be a terrifying ordeal for some children if not equipped with the appropriate coping skills..
As we grow, children naturally start to accept more responsibility which also means more stress. Much of this stress is part of the natural growth progression and starts to fade as a child grows more comfortable with changes. How do we figure out when a child is facing normal anxiety and when they may be suffering from a potential anxiety disorder?
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How Does Your Anger Affect Your Child
Everyone gets angry it’s how you deal with it that matters. You are setting a good example for your child if you take a few deep breaths and walk away when you’re angry. But if you lose your temper a lot, it can have serious negative effects for your child.
Children often blame themselves when they see the adults in their life get angry. It makes them stressed and this can affect the way their growing brains develop. Living in a household where there is a lot of anger puts your child at risk of mental illness later in life.
Using hurtful words towards your child can make them feel like they are bad and worthless. It can make them behave badly or get physically sick. Children react to angry, stressed parents by not being able to concentrate, finding it hard to play with other children, becoming quiet and fearful or rude and aggressive, or developing sleeping problems.
You should never physically hurt or punish your child, no matter what they have done or how angry you are. Research has shown that physically punishing children puts them at risk of future antisocial behaviour, aggression, low self-esteem, mental health problems and negative relationships.
Never shake a baby. Violently shaking, hitting, kicking or throwing a baby can result in death, disability or serious injury.
What You Might Feel
Keep in mind that your little one’s unwillingness to leave you is a good sign that healthy attachments have developed between the two of you. Eventually, your child will be able to remember that you always return after you leave, and that will be comfort enough while you’re gone. This also gives kids a chance to develop coping skills and a little independence.
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What Shouldnt You Say To Someone With Anxiety
Make them feel safe, distract them from their worries, and keep them in the present. You should not tell someone with anxiety that they are irrational. Avoid calling someone with anxiety crazy or insane or telling them to get over it. I love you and Ill do anything to help you. Tell them you will do whatever it takes to make sure they get the help they need.
If you need to talk to a friend or family member about something, do it in a calm, non-judgmental way. Dont try to change their mind or convince them of something they dont believe in. Instead of trying to convince someone to do something that is not in their best interest, ask them what they would do if they were in your shoes.
Ask them how you would handle the situation if you were the one in that situation. They may not be able to give you an honest answer, so you may have to rely on your own intuition.
Better Alternatives To Yelling At Your Kids
#1. Instead of blaming your child for not being prepared or completing a task, ask questions: Where did you last see your notebook? and What can we do next time to make sure youre able to find it?
#2. Rather than shaming your child for forgetting to tell you something, calmly discuss your expectations: Its so nice that Lena invited you to her birthday party. Next time, can you make sure you show me the invitation right after you get it, so I know not to schedule anything else on that day? We might not be able to make it if we have something else planned.
This approach definitely takes practice, but in the end, youll notice a difference in the way your child responds to you. And their happiness and understanding is definitely worth the effort!
How do you handle discipline with younger children? Read Hospitality Health ERs blogs on Positive Discipline Ages 1 to 5 and The Whining Toddler: 3 Pointers to Gain Your Sanity Back.
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Can Loud Noises Cause Panic Attacks
Yes, loud and unexpected noises can be a potential cause of panic attacks, they are perceived with intense fear and endured with such emotional and physical discomfort.
Having a panic attack when hearing a loud noise can include physical symptoms such as shortness of breath, increased heart and breathing rates, chest pain, sweating, changes in temperature, dizziness, headaches, among others.
Use Consequences But Leave Out The Threats
According to Barbara Coloroso, author of Kids Are Worth It!, using threats and punishment creates more angry feelings, resentment, and conflict. In the long run, they prevent your child from developing inner discipline.
Threats and punishment humiliate and shame children, making them feel insecure. On the other hand, consequences that address a particular behavior but come with fair warning help children make better choices.
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Other Tips That You Can Work On
- Put your hands under running water whenever the kid makes you mad.
- Commit to a respectful tone of voice.
- Teach your kid only when you are calm.
- Find entertaining and engaging ways to teach your kid.
- Talk to your kid with the same respect and dignity you expect from them.
- Consider them as an integral member of the family and make sure to respect their opinions too.
- Never forget to seek forgiveness. You will be teaching them a very important life lesson.
- Always see the bigger picture.
- Encourage them for their right behaviour.
How Yelling At Kids Can Impact Their Emotional And Physical Health
Children are innocent and immature. They dont understand the frustration or irritation of their parents when they dont listen to them. But they do get scared when their parents yell at them. Yelling impacts not only their short term behavior but also has lasting effects on mental development and personality.
Some of the impacts of yelling on the emotional and physical health of kids are:
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Can Yelling At A Child Be Harmful
All parents want whats best for their kids. And at times, it can be frustrating to try to discipline your children, especially if they arent behaving. But the way you express your frustration can have long-term consequences on your childs development.
Research shows that yelling and harsh verbal discipline can have similar negative effects as corporal punishment. Children who are constantly yelled at are more likely to have behavioral problems, anxiety, depression, stress, and other emotional issues, similar to children who are hit or spanked frequently.
Yelling at a child can cause more harm when it is accompanied with:
- Hurtful, abusive words
What To Do With Your Anger Instead Of Yelling
The first step to diffusing anger is to recognize it. “The moment you recognize your anger, you activate your prefrontal cortex and interrupt your spiraling emotions,” says Dr. Shrand. It’s about taking your brain from its feeling mode to its thinking mode.
There are several ways to do this, according to the experts:
- Take deep breaths
- Shake out your hands
- Say as little as possible until you calm down
- Think uplifting thoughts that walk you back from the brink of yelling
- Put your hands under running water
- Even forcing a smile or a laugh can send a message to your brain that the situation isn’t an emergency.
After you’ve calmed yourself down, you’re ready to diffuse the situation instead of aggravating it further, explains Dr. Markham. This means approaching the situation that caused you to be upset in the first place calmly and mindfully by saying something like, “Let’s try a do-over” advises Dr. Markham.
Not yelling takes work, of course, and for most of us it takes a lot of time and practice to finally put an end to the unproductive and harmful behavior. But Dr. Markham teaches that it’s a lot easier not to yell when you have a strong connection with your child. Working on your bond when you’re not in the middle of an aggravating situation is a great place to begin.
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Yellers Model Poor Communication Skills
“Children have a hard time learning to regulate their own emotions if their parents don’t show them how,” says Dr. Markham, and parents who fly off the handle every time they’re upset teach their children to similarly overreact when they encounter frustrating situations of their own. In other words, yellers raise yellers.
Dr. Shrand explains that this happens, in part, because when we yell at our children, we activate their “mirror neurons”the part of the brain that mirrors the behavior of the otherscausing them to respond in kind. “Anger begets anger,” he says, and “yelling at our children makes them want to yell back at us.” The good news is, mirror neurons can also have the opposite effectin children and adults. “When was the last time you got angry at someone treating you with respect?” asks Dr. Shrand.
Yelling Happens But Verbal Discipline Is A Slippery Slope That Can Have Lasting Negative Effects On You And Your Child Experts Share Why It Won’t Get You The Behavior You Want And How You Can React Instead
Nobody likes to be yelled at. It’s demeaning, embarrassing, and can be a frightening experienceespecially for children. While most parents are guilty of raising our voices louder and more often than we sometimes mean to, unpacking why we yell and how yelling affects our children may be helpful information to have the next time your 3-year-old throws his plate of food across the kitchen.
“People yell because it’s their go-to response when they’re angry,” says Joseph Shrand, M.D., an instructor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and author of Outsmarting Anger: 7 Steps for Defusing our Most Dangerous Emotion. Dr. Shrand also notes that there’s nothing wrong with feeling anger. “It’s what we do with that anger that matters,” he says.
Anger, after all, is a common emotion felt whenever we wish things were different. “We feel anger because we wish our child would stop doing something or start doing something,” says Dr. Shrand. For example, “I wish my daughter wouldn’t slug her little sister,” or “I wish my son would tell me the truth about where he was last night.” These are behaviors that parents wish they could change in their kids that might lead to an angry outburst.
But some efforts to change behavior are more effective than others, and parents who recognize the counter-productivity of yelling are more likely to pursue a better course of action. Here’s what really happens when we yell at our children and why it backfires. Plus, what to do instead.
Bonds Are Broken By Yelling
“Yelling breaks your connection with your child and puts your relationship bank account in the red,” explains Dr. Markham. Yelling doesn’t generate empathy. It puts you and your child at odds with one another and makes them feel like you’re not on their team. Invariably, children leave interactions where they’ve been yelled at feeling defiant, defensive, and disconnected from you not open to change, receptive, and more deeply connected.
“In my 40 years as a psychologist, I’ve seen thousands of kids and have never had one tell me they felt closer to their parent after being yelled at,” says Dr. Bernstein.
Yelling Aggravates Their Behavioral Problems
Some kids have behavioral problems and yelling by parents might result in the kids behaving well at that time. But in the long run, the behavioral issue will increase with constant yelling. The kids will get used to yelling and as time passes he/she may develop more issues along with the current one.
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