Need More Help With Your Anxious Child
I have been researching for the last two years to find the best resources for calming an anxious child and I think I have found some pretty amazing secrets that I cant wait to share with you!
Finally, you want to build your toolkit. You cant possibly anticipate every problem that will occur or everything your child will worry about. But you can be prepared. Thats where Calm the Chaos | The Behavior Workshop comes in.
Registration for Calm the Chaos : The Behavior Workshop is closed right now, but you can get on the notification list. It will be starting May 2018.
Heres the link:
Kids that struggle with anxiety are often mislabeled as shy, emotional, sensitive and moody. What if we could change the way the world saw these kids, and better yet change the way they saw themselves?
For simple games and activities that enable you to see your child as the Superkid they already are, instead of feeling lost, confused and in a constant battle with your child, please consider The Superkids Activity Guide to Conquering Every Day.
What started as a simple guide with 75 simple crafts, games and activities to help adults and kids manage the most difficult parts of the day ,The Superkids Activity Guide has quickly become a movement, reaching millions of people on Facebook alone.
The Superkids Movement and Activity Guide is aimed to empower ALL kids to speak up, share their superpowers and learn why they do the things they do so they can advocate for themselves!!
The Most Effective Treatments
Anxiety is typically treated using either psychotherapy, medication or a combination of both. Parents should work closely with their physician to determine which approach is best. Parents should also advocate for the treatment they feel would best help their child. Physicians have a great deal of knowledge about the techniques but parents are the ultimate authority on their children. By combining both parties in treatment will lead to longer lasting success.
How To Help Your Young Child Cope With Anxiety
Parents can help their children manage anxiety and develop life-long coping mechanisms.
Photo by Leo Rivas on Unsplash
As children grow, they engage in exploration and learning that challenges them to become increasingly independent. This can be a simultaneously exciting and frightening process. An anxious child may feel afraid to leave Mom or Dads side on the first day of preschool, nervous to take that initial jump into the deep end of the pool, fearful of the unfamiliar.
When these feelings are met with empathy and encouragement, most children discover that they can endure situations that scare them and get first-hand knowledge of what it is to be brave.
Overcoming anxiety is not always that simple, however. Genes and brain wiring influence anxiety. So do a childs personality and environment. For instance, kids who are more sensitive to stimuli like noise will naturally feel uneasy in loud environments. Anxiety can also be learned or adopted from family members, especially parents, who are fearful themselves.
Photo by Liv Bruce on Unsplash
Parents can help their children manage anxiety and develop life-long coping in the following ways.
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Tips For Parenting Anxious Children
Many well-meaning parents try to protect anxious kids from their fears, but overprotecting can actually make anxiety worse. Here are pointers for helping kids cope with anxiety without reinforcing it.
1. Don’t try to eliminate anxiety do try to help a child manage it.The best way to help kids overcome anxiety is to help them learn to tolerate it as well as they can. Over time the anxiety will diminish.
2. Don’t avoid things just because they make a child anxious.Helping children avoid the things they are afraid of will make them feel better in the short term, but it reinforces the anxiety over the long run.
3. Express positiveâbut realisticâexpectations.Don’t promise a child that what she fears won’t happenâthat you know she won’t fail the testâbut do express confidence that she’ll be able to manage whatever happens.
4. Respect her feelings, but don’t empower them.Validating feelings doesn’t mean agreeing with them. So if a child is terrified about going to the doctor, do listen and be empathetic, but encourage her to feel that she can face her fears. 5. Don’t ask leading questions.Encourage your child to talk about her feelings, but try not to ask leading questions: “Are you anxious about the big test?â Instead, ask open-ended questions: “How are you feeling about the science fair?”6. Don’t reinforce the child’s fears.Avoid suggesting, with your tone of voice or body language: “Maybe this is something that you should be afraid of.”
What Does Anxiety Look Like In A Child
Identifying anxiety in a child requires proactivity and awareness. Children dont always present anxiety in the same ways, and boys and girls tend to feel anxious about different things.
Mike Siciliano says, I rarely have a male student come in and say, Im just so overwhelmed by all these tests that I have. He notices emotions come to the surface in boys within athletic contexts more often than academic ones.
This, of course, isnt always the case David Thomas remarks that he works with many boys who do have a lot of anxiety about school and test scores. But, on the academic front, Goff says shes never seen as many girls as she does now who are experiencing anxiety about their grades.
She also notes that these days, when kids are under pressure, they dont say Im stressed anymore. They go straight to anxious. This may have to do with the fact that mental health is being talked about more openly in the mainstream than ever before.
Even so, Goff says, the reality is the numbers have gone up too, which is really tragic for the kids who are struggling with depression and anxiety, because now the words are being used up, and no one hears when theyre really struggling with it.
For this reason, its incredibly important for parents to talk to their children when they say theyre anxious and find out more information about what theyre experiencing.
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Changing Your Anxious Childs Inner Thoughts
The truth is
Kids are constantly being told they arent good enough, not smart enough, not calm enough, just plain and simple
not enough.
What would happen if instead of telling kids they are not enough, we changed the way we saw our children and we changed their inner language?
My new book, The Superkids Activity Guide, is aimed to empower ALL kids to speak up, share their superpowers and learn why they do the things they do so they can advocate for themselves!!
The book has a manifesto that I stand behind 100%. I believe all children should believe these things about themselves and often wish I had believed these things to be true as a child myself.
This is a small excerpt:
Go ahead and say it, so you believe it: I am a SUPERKID.
There, didnt that feel good? Go ahead and say it one more time, just to make sure it sinks in: I am a SUPERKID.
Before you start to think of all the reasons you cant possibly be a superkid, I want to stop you. You see, even the most famous rock stars have doubt and dont believe in themselves every day. This doesnt mean they are any less super. And even superheroes have struggles and pitfalls. That doesnt make them any less super, either. The truth is, despite your struggles, your mistakes, or your bad daysYOU ARE A SUPERKID. The Superkids Manifesto is yours. I want you to own it.
You are unique.You are fierce.
You are a SUPERKID.
You are going to conquer the world and I am going to help you every step of the way
Print This Free Phrases Cheat Sheet To Help Your Anxious Child In The Moment
This post comes with a free printable to help with you in a bind.
I have made a simple printable for you that has all of these phrases in a simple and easy to display format. Place it on the fridge, in a frame or even in your childs calm down spot so they remember them as well. Dont get caught struggling to remember your options!
This printable simplifies it!
Here is a sneak preview
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Set Aside Time For Relaxing Activities
Self-care isnt just important for adults its important for kids, too! Teaching your anxious child how to relax and take care of herself will help her find ways to cope with anxiety, and how to prevent anxiety from occurring as well. Check out some of our favorite relaxing activities for kids below!
Causes Of Childhood Anxiety Disorder
According to the National Institutes of Mental Health , both genetic and environmental factors contribute to the risk of developing an anxiety disorder. Research shows that biology, biochemistry, life situations, and learned behaviors all play a role. Many anxious kids have anxious family members, says Alvord. Children model behaviors on what they see, she adds.
And then theres the genetic component. Anxiety disorders do run in families but a family history doesnt mean a child is destined to develop a disorder. Parental behavior can exacerbate and worsen childrens problem but thats not the same as saying that parents are the cause of the child having the problem in the first place, Lebowitz says.
Much depends on the childs innate sensitivity, family dynamics, and life experiences. Some children have a natural predisposition or vulnerability to anxiety or have difficulty regulating their feelings of anxiety and fear. And thats not because their parents did this or didnt do that, stresses Lebowitz, That said, parents can and should play an important role in helping children learn to cope better with their anxiety.
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When Worries Are More Than Just Worries
All children will demonstrate phases of anxiety, which is a normal party of child development even if the phase we are observing seems strange to us. Some children may decide for a few weeks that they are only going to eat foods that are orange or wear clothes that are green. Other children may develop an imaginary friend or have a recurring nightmare. Situational anxiety or phases like these should come and go and there should be benefit seen when the child is provided comfort and support by adults.
Earlier I talked about how teaching a child to remind themselves that the side effects of anxiety are temporary and will not last. If you observe signs or if your child is able to verbalize that this is not the case- it may indicate that your child is experiencing anxiety that is out of the normal range.
In addition to persistent worry, if your childs anxieties are out of proportion or if they interfere with their life and health development, it may be time to get some extra help. The difference between normal worry and an anxiety disorder is severity.
Children can experience a variety of anxiety disorders, including generalized anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, posttraumatic stress disorder, social anxiety disorder, separation anxiety disorder, selective mutism, and specific phobias.
How to Be a Positive Parent
Helping A Child Who Is Afraid Of The Dark
As with other fears, it is important to handle a childs fear of the dark with sympathy and understanding. Do not ridicule or dismiss your childs feelings, or become frustrated and angry. The first step in helping your child to overcome their irrational fear is to accept their feelings as real and respond to them sensitively.Suggestions include:
- Ask them to tell you about their fears and what exactly makes them afraid.
- Show your child that you understand their fears, but that you dont necessarily share them.
- Reassure them that they are safe explain there are no such things as monsters.
- Dont try to reassure your child by checking in the cupboard or under the bed as this may suggest to the child that you believe monsters could be there.
- If your child is afraid of the dark because of the possibility of intruders, it may help to show them the security measures around the house, such as locks. However, never lock a deadlock while people are inside the house, as it may block escape in a fire or other emergency.
- Ask your child for suggestions on what would make them feel more secure. Offer suggestions yourself. Perhaps they would feel better if they took a special toy or comforter to bed.
- Find out if their fear of the dark comes from other worries. For example, some children may be afraid of their parents separating or dying, and this anxiety gets worse when they are alone in the dark. Talk to your child honestly about such issues.
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Managing Symptoms: Staying Healthy
Being healthy is important for all children and can be especially important for children with depression or anxiety. In addition to getting the right treatment, leading a healthy lifestyle can play a role in managing symptoms of depression or anxiety. Here are some healthy behaviors that may help:
- Having a healthy eating plan centered on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, legumes , lean protein sources, and nuts and seeds
- Participating in physical activity for at least 60 minutes each day
- Practicing mindfulness or relaxation techniques
School Anxiety What Its Not
If I could write this across the sky, I would:
Anyone who is tempted to tutt, judge, or suggest a toughening up of parents or children, dont. Hush and hold it in. The assumptions on which youve built your high ground are leading you astray. Its likely, anyway, that parents dealing with school anxiety have already tried the tough love thing, even if only out of desperation. Its understandable that they would. Theyd try anything parents are pretty amazing like that.
They are great parents, with great kids. If only being tougher was all it took they all would have done it yesterday and wed be talking about something easier, like how to catch a unicorn or something.
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How Is Anxiety In Kids Diagnosed
Anxiety in toddlers and children often goes undiagnosed. “Many parents think that their child will grow out of his issues or that it’s normal for a child to be nervous,” says Wendy Silverman, Ph.D., director of the Program for Anxiety Disorders at the Yale School of Medicine.
However, anxiety disorders make children’s lives harder and limit the experiences they can have. “It’s unlikely that a child will outgrow an anxiety disorder,” says Rinad Beidas, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania. “If left untreated, they’ll have a higher risk of substance abuse later.”
If you think anxiety is interfering with your child’s ability to function, seek services early instead of waiting it out. Ask your pediatrician or school guidance counselor for a referral to an expert and schedule an evaluation. The clinician you see should have diagnostic expertise and should explain the sources of information she’s going to use. We recommend a board certified child and adolescent psychiatrist, or a licensed psychologist.
Encourage The Child To Tolerate Their Anxiety
Let your child know that you appreciate the work it takes to tolerate anxiety in order to do what they want or need to do. Its really encouraging them to engage in life and to let the anxiety take its natural curve. We call it the habituation curve. That means that it will drop over time as he continues to have contact with the stressor. It might not drop to zero, it might not drop as quickly as you would like, but thats how we get over our fears.
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The Following Resources May Be Helpful When Helping Your Child With Anxiety
The National Institute of Mental Health has specific information on Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Panic Disorder and Social Anxiety Disorder.
Pamphlet about Generalized Anxiety Disorder covers basic information and treatment options.
PDF of Statistics of Anxiety Disorder in children from the National Institute of Mental Health.
What Anxiety Looks Like
When your child feels overwhelmed, their internal alarm system can trigger them into fight, flight, or freeze mode. Behaviours you may see can look like inattention, hyperactivity, acting out, or disengagement. Notice that anxiety can manifest in ways that overlap with the presentation of Attention-Deficit/ Hyperactivity Disorder , but these are not the same thing. A large part of how children manifest their anxiety depends on their personality.
- Some children appear hyperaroused like a porcupine with its quills out they externalize their distress and can explode. This parallels the bodys fight or flight response, which may appear as freaking out behaviour. These behaviours are very noticeable in children. Your child may become aggressive, quick to anger, oppositional, desperate to try and escape, or disruptive. Some anxious children resort to making jokes or being mean to others. These behaviours can be misconstrued as purposeful and attention-grabbing.
- Some children appear hypoaroused like a turtle tucking into its shell they internalize their distress and can implode. This parallels the bodys freeze response. It is much less noticeable on the outside but just as challenging for a child on the inside. These children are paralyzed by fear. Your child may appear apprehensive, sad, confused, withdrawn, helpless, clingy, spacy, or zoned out. For some anxious children, this manifests as procrastination or a failure to complete a task.
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