Be Aware Of Your Impact
If youre going to be late, let them know. Or if you dont have time to reply to an email or text, give a quick explanation so your friend isnt left to worry.
Anxiety can be an inner-bully it can convince people they are burdensome. Make a conscious effort to reassure your anxious friend. A simple I love spending time with you means a lot.
What Not To Say
Itâs also important to know what not to say to someone whoâs anxious.â
âYouâll get over it./Snap out of it.â Anxiety disorders donât work like this. Often, it requires help from a mental health professional in the form of talk therapy, medication, or a combination of therapies. Remember that your friend or family member doesnât choose to feel this way, so itâs not something that they can turn off to feel normal again.â
âI know, ___ makes me feel really anxious, too.â Comparing your own anxieties to theirs isnât going to help them. You probably feel rational anxiety about things that happen in your life, but you canât equate those feelings to the irrational feelings people with anxiety disorders may have. Itâs not the same, and this diminishes your loved oneâs experience.â
âHave you tried ___?â Donât ask someone with anxiety if theyâve tried certain health or wellness techniques to overcome their feelings. While this may work for people with temporary anxiety about certain situations, it may not work for someone with an anxiety disorder.
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How To Help A Friend Or Loved One With Anxiety
Anxiety is a term that gets thrown around a lot. People talk about being anxious or having anxiety over a situation, but what exactly does that mean? By definition anxiety is a feeling of intense worry or uneasiness, usually brought on when were facing something stressful, like a situation where were not sure what will happen. Often in a situation like this feeling some anxiety is normal, and can even be helpful, like motivating us to study for a test or prepare for a presentation.
But when our anxiety gets too intense, or goes on for a long time, it stops being helpful and starts interfering with our lives. If you have a friend or loved one whos feeling acutely anxious, or exhibiting signs of continued anxiousness, there are ways you can help.
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Learn To Really Listen
There is nothing worse than talking to someone who you know isnt listening properly. They just look like their attention is elsewhere, or even worse, theyre on their phone and not really paying attention.
When your friend, family member, partner, or whoever it is, is speaking to you, really listen to them. Let them know that they have your undivided attention.
Again, sometimes, a person just wants to be listened to and off-load whatever is on their mind.
Things People With Anxiety Want Their Loved Ones To Say
Last year, HelloGiggles published a piece entitled 7 things people with anxiety want their loved ones to know. Out of the outpouring of responses and comments, one of the biggest questions was, Great, that makes sense but what can I do to help? Heres what the author had to say.
With disturbing clarity, those of us with anxiety can picture the true terror of anxiety attacks. The sweaty palms, the rapid pounding in our chest, the ache all over our body born from tight muscles all of the physical symptoms can be painful. But what really makes anxiety attacks crippling is how they affect the mind. Suddenly, mundane tasks seem overwhelming. Fear courses through our veins. We feel like were drowning, and for those few minutes, we have no idea how to cope.
We also know how difficult it can be for others to navigate our anxiety attacks. Most of us have known our fair share of people who refused to understand or acknowledge our struggles as real.
Thats what makes us adore you, our loved ones, even more. We know it can be so difficult, but here are seven things you can say that can help us both in this process.
1. How can I help?
The end game isnt the point here. These four little words are unassuming they project nothing but kindness and warmth. Just knowing that theres someone there, non-judgmental, solid, ready to help us up when weve fallen that in itself means more than you know.
2. We have all the time in the world.
4. You are not crazy.
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Instead Say: Ive Noticed Youve Been Anxious A Lot Lately And Im Concerned
If you notice your friend getting more and more anxious and you know they havent sought any kind of professional help, its OK to express your concern if it comes from the heart.
Instead of making it seem like they are the problem, focus on how their behavior is negatively affecting them and how youve seen anxiety change them: maybe they arent going to concerts anymore even though they used to love live music, or they havent been socializing as much and youre worried about them being lonely.
If theyre open to getting help but feel overwhelmed, offer to do some research on good therapists or to wait for them in the lobby during their first appointment. Remind them that anxiety is treatable and that this isnt something they have to fight alone.
How To Explain Anxiety To Someone
If you have anxiety or a loved one has anxiety and you want to explain it to somebody else, it can be hard. How do you explain something they cant see and might not understand?
It can be difficult to know where to start, but one thing you can do is describe how anxiety makes you feel physical symptoms, thoughts and feelings. The more someone knows, the more they will understand.
If you find you are struggling to describe anxiety in your own words, you can always point someone to a helpful article online. Weve included some useful mental health resources at the bottom of this guide.
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What Is Not Helpful To Say To Someone With Anxiety
Its important when talking to someone who has anxiety or is feeling anxious not to dismiss their feelings. Its also important not to say things relating to just dont think about. Some examples of statements that are not helpful to say to a friend, coworker, or loved one who is dealing with anxiety are, there is nothing wrong here why are you anxious? Even if it seems to you like what they are feeling anxious about isnt a big deal or problem, sharing that with the person wont be beneficial. Saying, it is not a big deal is not going to be a helpful response. Telling someone to stop worrying or to stop feeling anxious will not be beneficial as well. It is important to stay away from responses like, just dont think about it. The person with anxiety likely wishes that they were not worried about whatever was on their mind. It is very hard to just stop thinking about something that is stressful to them.
How To Deal With Anxiety In Children
If youre wondering how to help a child or a teenager with anxiety, there are a few things you can do as a parent or carer.
- Firstly, it’s important to talk to your child about their feelings. Reassure them and let them know that its okay to talk about anxiety or worries.
- Stick to normal daily routines to help provide some stability and reassurance for them.
- Teach your child to recognise signs of anxiety in themselves how anxiety makes their brain feel and their body feel.
- Encourage your child to manage their anxiety and ask for help when they need it. Work together to find solutions and coping techniques such as breathing exercises.
- Try not to become overprotective avoiding situations that you know will worry your child wont get rid of their anxiety and could stop them from doing things in the future.
- If you think your child has school-based anxiety, let their teacher know. They may know more about how to help a child with anxiety in the classroom.
If your child’s anxiety seems to be long-lasting, severe and affects their day-to-day life, then it’s a good idea to get some help. Visiting the GP is a good place to start.
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You’re An Anxious Person
“No one wants to be labeled for something that causes them immense stress and pain. Branding a person based on their anxious symptoms can be detrimental to their self-concept as this sends the message that others see their anxiety as a defining characteristic,” says Romanoff.
What the research says: A small 2016 study that interviewed 17 doctors found that they prefer to avoid labeling people with anxiety, especially in the early stages of treatment, partly because of the stigma attached to the term and partly because labels can be difficult to get rid of.
Dont Say: Have You Tried Meditation/yoga/cutting Caffeine/exercising More
Meditation and yoga and deep breathing and all of the other anti-anxiety trends that have taken pop culture by storm might be helpful for some people, maybe even your ultra-anxious friend. But they also might not.
Extreme anxiety can feel consuming, which means that small things like taking a few deep breaths might not be enough to counter panic in the moment. Anxiety can also make someone feel so restless that sitting quietly and letting their thoughts float away is pretty much impossible.
Everyone with anxiety has different relaxation techniques that work for them and some people need to do something active, like go for a run, instead of sitting and breathing calmly. Others may need to work with a therapist. Dont offer unsolicited advice unless youve been trained to treat people with anxiety disorders or you have one yourself and want to share your experience.
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Don’t Put Pressure On Them
While it is important for you to not enable their behaviours, it is also imperative that you dont force the person to go to places or enter scenarios that they are extremely anxious about.
This is something that they should work gradually towards with professional therapeutic support. If you attempt to push them too far, it could damage the trust in your relationship and cause them a significant amount of stress.
This Feeling Will Pass
Whilst in the grip of a bad anxiety spell, it can be impossible to remember a time when you were not feeling anxious. The anxiety is so overwhelming that you sometimes wonder if you are ever going to feel normal again. When this happens, a gentle reminder that the bad feelings will eventually go away can work wonders, because then the anxiety-sufferer will remember to anticipate that better time. It is like a beacon of hope.
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Continue Supporting Them And Respond To Emergencies
On a bad day, your friend might not want to leave their room. If they say something like Im going to cancel my appointment today, encourage them to follow through with the appointment.
Whether or not your friend has decided to get professional help, its important that they know they can get support from you, or other friends and family.
If you think your friend may be in danger or at risk of hurting themselves or someone else, seek help from a trusted adult or emergency mental health service immediately. Call 000 to reach emergency services and also tell someone you trust.
In more serious cases, its important to let an older/more responsible adult know whats going on. You dont have to be perfect all the time and making mistakes are inevitable and a good thing as we can learn from them. Anzelmo
Things You Should Know To Help A Friend With Anxiety
If your friend keeps cancelling plans, misses your calls, seems on edge, and often says they feel tired or headachy they might have anxiety. And these are only some of the symptoms. Its understandable that you might not have come to this conclusion straight off the bat. You might be feeling hurt, or think theyre just being lazy or a bad friend. But they could be battling something completely different, and fuelled by the nature of anxiety, they would be really upset if they thought theyd offended you.
Here are some of the things your friend probably wishes they could tell you about their anxiety, and how you can help.
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Dont Say: Stop Thinking About It
Say a persons worry relates to speaking in public. Their thought pattern goes likes this: What if I get up there and forget what Im going to say or I start to shake when I give the speech? So you say, Get that worry out of your mind and dont even think about your speech right now. But thats not helpful because it becomes harder to push an anxious thought out of your head than to accept the fact that youre thinking an anxious thought and letting it go by. If I say I dont want you to think of a pink elephant, thats all you can think about, Domingues says. Thats how worries work. The harder you fight not to think about it, the stronger the worry becomes.
Say instead:I know this kind of thing makes you really anxious. If you want to talk about what youre feeling or practice with me beforehand, Im all ears.
Its more helpful for an anxious person to acknowledge the worry, validate it, and say, This is how I feel. This is my worry. Im going to accept it and hope I can let it go.
Anxiety Is A Real Condition That Causes Extreme Anguish Its Important To Know How To Help Someone With Anxiety And Not To Say The Wrong Thing
Telling a person with anxiety not to worry is just like telling a person with depression to cheer up, it could be worse. Its the single worst thing you can possibly say. The problem is, far too many people have no idea how to help someone with anxiety.
Rather, they accidentally say the wrong thing or even inadvertently make it worse.
Anxiety is one of the most complicated conditions we hear about in the modern day. It doesnt follow a set pattern and varies from person to person.
However, anxiety is not just a bit of worry, but is a troubling and upsetting condition which can cause a person to feel completely out of control, extremely down, and can even cause panic attacks.
As a person who has struggled with anxiety and still does from time to time, I know that being told to calm down, youre worrying about nothing just doesnt help.
It makes you feel like nobody understands you.
In reality, it actually makes the anxiety worse because you convince yourself there really is a huge problem to focus on. For that reason, lets check out how to help someone with anxiety in a positive way, so you can use these tips in the future.
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How To Tell If Someone Has Anxiety
Although you might suspect that someone youre close to is suffering from anxiety, its not always easy to tell. Unlike physical health problems which can display more visible signs, mental health problems can be harder to spot, especially as many of the symptoms are experienced psychologically by that person.
There are, however, certain signs and behaviours to keep an eye out for if you think that a friend, partner or family member has anxiety.
Here are some signs that may indicate that someone has anxiety:
- They seem to worry a lot about things
- They voice fears and worries to you that seem extreme or misplaced
- They seem tense and on-edge a lot of the time
- They can be irritable and snappy
- They may suddenly become teary or appear overwhelmed
- They struggle to make decisions and may deliberate for a long time
- They ask for reassurance a lot
- They appear tired and lacking in energy
- They talk about trouble sleeping
- They appear to have problems concentrating or remembering things
- They avoid certain social situations
- They need things to be done in a certain way and can sometimes appear controlling
- They dont appear to enjoy the things that they used to
- They withdraw from social circles and can be hard to see or get hold of
- They appear to be drinking more or using drugs
If you have recognised several of these signs in the person youre worried about, then it may be that they are suffering from anxiety.
Why Do You Feel Anxious
This is one of the most infuriating questions, ever. But everybody close to me has asked it at least once over the years. If I knew why I felt so anxious, then surely Id be able to find a bloody solution! Asking why only highlights how clueless I am. Still, I dont blame them. Its natural for humans to ask questions and try to determine what the problem is. We like to solve things.
When your friend is struggling with anxiety, dont use comments like these. Here are five ways you can actually help them:
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Theres A Cup Of Tea Waiting For You At Home
To get personal again for a moment, one thing my anxiety does is stop me living in the now, because my mind goes into strange, hypothetical scenarios that fill me with dread. At times like that, one of the best things anybody can do is remind me of really good, simple, real things that are there for me to enjoy now or in the near future. Some other good ones are: youll see the cats soon, you have time tonight to crochet two more rows of your project, and theres a new episode of Murdoch Mysteries to watch.